Ask a Mexican on Voting and Lindsay Lohan

I would be most interested in hearing your point of view regarding our raza always voting for someone with a Latino last name, without even considering whether the vato/vata is qualified for a particular office. Often, I hear comments like, "If he is Latino, it makes up for all the years of injustice." But don't you think that our Mexican forefathers and recent immigrant friends left our native countries because Latino politicians have been unable to govern without corruption? Lately, we have seen what happens when we vote for Latinos without engaging in the issues or their backgrounds — just look at the California cities of Bell, Cudahy, and Pico Rivera, where I live.

There recently was a race for one of the most important positions that actually will affect L.A. Latino students: an L.A. Community College District trustee position. In District 6, we have an incumbent güera whom everyone agrees has to go. Then we have a Latino vato politician who is looking for his next big political gig. The Los Angeles Times endorsed an old white guy, but he is a firme vato who has 30 years in the community college system, from profe to presidente. Unfortunately, the old vato lost, and the güera and vendido moved on to a runoff. I'm afraid that our raza voted for the Latino dude without realizing that he will not know how to fix the problems at L.A.C.C.D., and our students will get the short end of the stick — just like the residents in Bell, Cudahy, and Pico Rivera. What can we do to help our people do the right thing?
Tony Villar Is a Vendido

Mira, Latinos are not somehow more predisposed to corruption in politics — look at most of Europe, or any big city in the United States — so your theory that Latinos immigrated to the United States for its less-corrupt politics is like saying Mexicans like pinto beans because they produce fabulous pedos. That said, I do join you in railing against Mexis voting for the Mexi on the ballot just because they're Mexis — but again, idiocy in the American electorate is nothing new. How else do you explain two terms of Dubya? The only way around this is education, education, educación — but we live in the United States, where questions like the following are far more pressing to our raza . . .

My camaradas and I always discuss famous celebrity women and how we would like to court them and make sweet love to them! It turns out we wind up always talking about Raquel Welch, Monica Belluci, Paquita la del Barrio, and Lindsay Lohan (Lindsay is la reyna of them all). And we ask ourselves why is it that she is our hot topic of conversation every time we talk about women and sex? Do you think she might possibly be Mexican? She is always going to court because of legal and financial problems. Is it that somehow deep down inside, we want to be her father figure like that one puto sings about? Es porque esta tiernita, fresquesita, chiquitita, y güerita that we find ourselves lusting for this nice piece of chamorro! Can you please help us find out why we lust for Lindsay? And before you ask: If you are wondering why the French name, I'm sick and tired of gabachos and wabs always claiming 1/16 something else, so I claim 1/16 French nobleman with a chingonazo of chile colorado!
Le Chorizo del Douleur

Mexicans like Lindsay Lohan? Sure, she appeared naked in Machete, but I would peg Kate Upton before LiLo as the current gabacha Mexican man crush. Then again, they both are an hombre's ultimate combo plate of desire: gabachas, young, and chichonas.

KEEP PHOENIX NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Gustavo Arellano
Contact: Gustavo Arellano