ASU Police Records Show University's Losing Thousands -- From People Breaking the U's Stuff

Last week, we reported on the more than $215,000 worth of property stolen from Arizona State University between 2009 and 2010.

There's also another aspect of crimes against the university, bringing its two-year loss total to more than $285,000 -- people are effin' up ASU's stuff.

According to documents obtained by New Times, the ASU Police Department reported 174 claims of criminal damage against University property over the last two years, including 92 in 2009 and 82 through September 2010.

In 2009, folks broke $33,592.50 worth of stuff, compared to $36,744.96 in 2010, bringing the grand total of criminal damage against the University to $70,337.46.

What that number doesn't include, though, are the 29 criminal damage incidents reported to police that didn't have a damage estimate at the time of the police report.

The $70,337.46 of estimated damage is only about one-third of the dollar value of reported University losses for stolen property, but for those keeping score, the it's about the same price as in-state tuition for nine full-time freshmen.

Keep those tuition hikes a-comin'.

But just as people were stealing strange things from the University, they're also finding some funky ways to damage its property.

Here are the top 10 oddities in reported criminal-damage claims over the last two years:

10. Windows

Breaking windows isn't an extreme oddity; it's more like the old stand-by when people feel compelled to commit low-level felonies. In two years, police were called to 42 separate incidents of broken windows, with some of those including multiple broken windows. Of the windows with damage estimates, they totaled $13,274.02, including one single window valued at $4,000.

9. Solar Panels

Here are some things to be angry about: most of ASU's athletic teams, constant tuition increases, or the fact that 12 people were murdered in Tempe last year. Electricity should not be on that list, yet, some bozo destroyed $5,400 worth of solar panels on the Tempe campus. Take that Nissan Leaf!

8. The "Custom Rake"

"What is a custom rake?" you ask. Who knows, but maintenance workers at ASU swear that this rake was "custom," and somebody broke it. That's another $200 down the drain.

7. Graffiti

Like windows, it isn't a rarity, but it happens -- a lot. Thirty-three times police filled out reports pertaining to graffiti on ASU's campus, often involving many, many instances of it. Five of those didn't have estimates for the damage, but for those that did, add $5,854 to the tab.

6. Anti-Semitic Graffiti

Apparently, if anyone loves to deface the University with spray paint and carving, it's the little Hitlers. Six of the graffiti incidents reported in the last two years were related to anti-Semitism or Nazism, including at least five swastikas that set back the University a few hundred dollars. In one $400 incident in 2010, someone managed to spray paint eight brilliant one-liners around the Tempe campus, six of them saying, "Jews did 9/11."

5. The 12-year-old

We promise this is the last entry in this list pertaining to graffiti, but ASU police at the University's West campus nabbed a 4-foot tall, 80-pound 12-year-old painting some graffiti. The police report didn't say whether the kid was finger painting or spray painting, but they hauled him off to juvie nonetheless. Cops say the kid was an early bloomer, and was already on probation when they caught him trying to redecorate ASU's West campus.

4. Lady Devils

Possibly trying to pull an eye-hole-in-the-shower ala Porky's, someone broke into the locker room of the ASU women's basketball team at Wells Fargo Arena. The door was damaged during the break-in, but it becomes a little creepy after it was discovered that nothing was stolen. We'll never know if someone was just trying to catch a glimpse of a bunch of naked 6-foot-5 basketball gals, but ASU was still stuck with the bill for the break-in.

3. The Fast and the Furious 7: Tempe Drift

Apparently someone got a little angry after the producer of The Fast and the Furious film series announced they were calling it quits after way too many six movies. So cops say a kid, who had been drinking, grabbed the keys to his brother's muscle car and took it drifting atop a parking structure on the Tempe campus. With the help of alcohol or the realization that he wasn't Paul Walker, the kid managed to run into just about everything possible on this parking structure, including walls and light poles. He was arrested on several charges, and did $1,497.95 worth of damage to the parking structure.

2. It's Better to be Pissed Off than Pissed On

Scenario: You're inside an interview at the ASU Police Department, trying to defend yourself against criminal accusations. The cop interviewing you leaves the room. What do you do? In this case, the guy decided to urinate on the wall of the interview room. The fact that he was being recorded on closed-circuit television didn't help, so the cops brought down a criminal damage charge on the man. Cost of cleaning the wall and carpet: unknown.

1. The Dorm-Hall Dumper

Andreas H. Hagland was out getting drunk and rowdy in April 2010. He then took it to a completely new level. On his way back from getting a burger near his dorm at the Sonora Center in Tempe, cops say Hagland wrecked a bus stop and a car windshield before making it back to his on-campus residence. Cops say before entering his dorm room, he decided to put the ceremonial cherry on top of his felonious escapade, and defecate right there in the hallway. According to the police report, it was estimated it would cost $2,000 to pick up the package and "sanitize" the carpet to make it suitable for human use.

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Matthew Hendley
Contact: Matthew Hendley