Audio By Carbonatix
Long ago, in a bathroom not very far away, the leaders of the Rebel Alliance–led by the heroic Luke Skywalker–planned their next attack against the evil Galactic Tub Toys in an adventure that would become known as . . . THE EMPIRE GETS WET
An All-Star Sci-Fi Action Fantasy with dialogue, music and sound effects improvised by a four-year-old boy during a bath
(Theme music: Dum-DUM, duh-duh-dee-DUM-dum . . . )
LUKE: Hey! C’mon, you guys! Let’s find Darth Vader!
REBEL: Oh, noooo! Here comes the mean robots! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! (Explosions, gunfire.) AHHHHHH!
LUKE: Are you dead?
REBEL: I don’t think so. Look! Here comes Han Solo! (More explosions.) AHHHHHH! Now I’m dead.
LUKE: Han! Watch out! A pterodactyl is coming to get us!
REBEL TWO: AHHHHHH!
HAN: Where’s Princess Leia?
LUKE: I dunno. She’s in here somewhere. I can’t see through all these bubbles. We’d better go under water! Dive! Dive! (Explosions.)
REBELS THREE and FOUR: AHHHHHH!
HAN: Okay. We’re in the Millenium Falcon now. Ready for takeoff. Ten, nine, four, seven . . . Look out! Here comes a . . . a . . . umm . . . here comes E.T.! (Explosions.)
REBEL FIVE: AHHHHHH!
LUKE: And Roger Rabbit, too!
ROGER: Let’s get those guys!
HAN: Okay! (Machine-gun fire.)
ROGER: AHHHHHH!
HAN: E.T.! Put your magic finger on Roger to make him better!
E.T.: Okay. Bzzzzt! You’re better now.
ROGER: Thanks.
E.T.: You’re welcome. Run! It’s Tyrannosaurus rex!
REX: ARGHHHHHH!!! I’m gonna eat you! (Chomping noises.)
E.T.: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
LUKE: He ate Roger and E.T.! Touch yourself, E.T.!
E.T.: Okay. Bzzzzt! There. I’m not dead anymore. Thanks.
LUKE: You’re welcome. (Explosions.) The Tyrannosaurus rex is dead. Don’t touch him, E.T., or he’ll be alive again.
E.T.: Okay.
REX: ARGHHHHHH!
LUKE: Oh, no! You touched him!
E.T.: It was an accident!
LUKE: AHHHHHH!
HAN: Luke is dead.
LUKE: No, I’m not. He missed me. Hey! Where’s King Kong?
KING KONG: Over here!
REX: Let’s fight, okay?
KING KONG: Okay.
BOTH: ARGHHHHHH! (Explosions, gunfire.)
KING KONG: I won the fight!
LUKE: Thanks!
KING KONG: You’re welcome.
HAN: Look! There’s Darth Vader!
DARTH VADER: Ha ha ha ha! I will fight you with my light sword! (Explosions, gunfire.)
REBELS SIX through THIRTY-NINE: AHHHHHH! . . . SUPERBOY: Don’t worry. I’m Superboy. I’ll get Darth Vader. (Explosions, screaming.) There. He’s dead.
HAN: Thanks.
SUPERBOY: You’re welcome.
E.T.: Don’t worry, Darth Vader. I’ll touch you with my magic finger. Bzzzzt!
DARTH VADER: Thanks.
E.T.: You’re welcome. Are you gonna be nice, now?
DARTH VADER: Yeah.
LUKE: Good. C’mon, men! Let’s go!
