A common bedbug, Cimex lectularius, perhaps munchin' out on Alison Trainer's ass?

Bedbugs in Phoenix Hilton, not Paris Hilton

When I first read this story online, I thought it said that Oprah got bedbugs from Paris Hilton. Then I stopped eating my toejam and reread it, "Opera singer sues Hilton claiming bedbugs attacked her." Seems the opera singer's name is Alison Trainer, a soprano, and, uh, no she's never played the BadaBing! Also, she has no apparent connection to Oprah Windbag.

Anyway, this bedbuggery allegedly transpired at the Phoenix Hilton Suites, so the bedbugs were never on, in or near Paris Hilton. Though, it is kind of exciting to imagine Paris Hilton being attacked by bedbugs, especially when I read on Wikipedia.org what bedbugs actually do:

Bedbugs are generally active only at night, with a peak attack period about an hour before dawn, though given the opportunity, they may attempt to feed at other times of day. Attracted by warmth and the presence of carbon dioxide, the bug pierces the skin of its host with two hollow tubes. With one tube it injects its saliva, which contains anticoagulants and anesthetics, while with the other it withdraws the blood of its host. After feeding for about five minutes, the bug returns to its hiding place. The bites cannot usually be felt until some minutes or hours later, as a dermatological reaction to the injected agents. Although bedbugs can live for up to 18 months without feeding, they typically seek blood every five to ten days.

As Paris herself might say, "That's hot." In reality, the only bedbug Paris has ever allowed to inject her was ex-boyfriend Rick Salomon. And there was only one, er, "tube" involved. No word on whether or not a "dermatological reaction" (aka, a rash) followed minutes, hours or days later. Some bedbugs have all the luck...

PS: Those itching to learn more about these vampirish little pests should consult Village Voice writer Mara Altman's recent piece on the scourge of Manny-hanny Bed Bugs & Beyond. And you thought NYC's roaches were bad...

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