Land baron DENNIS DeCONCINI, already flushed with embarrassment over the looting of half a million bucks from his campaign treasury, is trying to steal a toilet from a union. The wealthy Democratic senator's staffers in Tucson recently moved into new offices only to discover that they had to share a bathroom with the UNITED TRANSPORTATION UNION. They whined to the building's landlord, who promptly sent the union an eviction notice. Union chairman TOM MOORE didn't take this sitting down. He sent DeConcini a dear-john letter, reminding him of the unfailing campaign support of the cash-poor railroad workers' union. "Do you always have problems with your neighbors?" Moore sarcastically added. "I certainly hope not." DeConcini aide BARRY DILL fired back a note denying wrongdoing. Dill explains that it's a matter of office security. (If you use this bathroom, you can walk through another door into DeConcini's office.) Besides, says Dill, "I think even Democrats enjoy their privacy when they're going to the pot." That sort of bathroom humor is lost on Moore, who finds himself in deep doo-doo for criticizing Arizona's senior senator. What's the word from the seat of government? Dill vows to reach "a workable arrangement with the bathroom that's agreeable to both of us and to the United States Senate." . . .

Don't freak out if you hear someone at the POINTE say, "Disarm the illuminations." It's "Pointe Language" for "Turn out the lights." All 4,000 of resort emperor BOB GOSNELL's employees ("Pointe people") have to learn such crapola. The idea behind the sixty or so phrases of "Pointe Language," says PR director LARRY HILLIARD, is to promote "positive connotations." "It's very, very important to us," adds Hilliard, "that we belong to a family here as Pointe people, rather than just employees of a cold corporation." Here's an example: (English) "Let's go up to the restaurant for some appetizers." (Pointe-speak) "Let's ascend to the dining experience for some preludes." Make that Quaaludes, please . . .

Dig this poison penmanship: "The captain of the tanker Valdez was taken into court in handcuffs for polluting the environment and destroying the economy in Alaska. Today the mayor and city council of Phoenix walk the streets free." Whoa! That was publisher-turned-developer CHARLES WAHLHEIM sounding off in a letter to Valley editors about Phoenix's plans for a third runway at landlocked SKY HARBOR AIRPORT. Wahlheim and other East Valley types hate Sky Harbor's noise and dream of an "international jetport" somewhere south of the Blob. Does Wahlheim want to take back those stinging words? Asked about it, he tells us, "I think that the boy mayor of Phoenix ought to be put in leg irons."