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Cheap Shots 05-03-1989

Great Caesar's ghost! SHOOTER'S WORLD, a giant indoor shooting range that opens May 6 in west Phoenix, proudly proclaims "Armorum securis" as its slogan--which goes to show you that Latin's a deadly language, not a dead one. PENSUS GROUP prexy and gun-range developer RICHARD SHAW tells us the phrase, which he's plastered on arm patches and letterheads, means "Secure arms" or "Security in arms." His publicist, JOHN FUREY, translates it as "Safety with arms." Not exactly. Our ad hoc consultant on Latin, ASU prof GEORGE CARVER, translates it as "Untroubled by weapons" or "Negligent of weapons" or "Reckless of weapons" or "Careless of weapons" or--you get the picture. "It seems like that should be the motto of their opponents," Carver tells us. Shaw plans a "celebrity shoot-out" and the presentation of a "Barry Goldwater Signature Edition" .357-magnum to Guv ROSE MOFFORD at Saturday's gala. In the meantime, he says, "I suppose if ten Latin scholars say we're totally screwed up and it doesn't mean that, we'll definitely have to take another look at it." Carver suggests "Propter arma securis" ("For those secure by reason of weapons") or "Armorum causa securis" ("Secure for the sake of weapons"). "If they want Latin, they'd better reword it a bit," Carver says, adding, "If they want to shoot me, don't give them my phone number." . . .

KEN LAMBERTON, a Mesa teacher who wound up in the slammer after leaving his family for the "love" of a fourteen-year-old girl, won second place recently in the ARIZONA PRESS WOMEN's annual writing contest for state cons. The category? Essays on "family and relationships." . . .

Among the many writers who have savaged CHARLES KEATING, how could we forget JOHN KOLBE of the PHOENIX GAZETTE? Actually, how could John Kolbe forget JIM KOLBE, his brother the congressman? John indignantly noted in a recent column that semi-mogul Keating had "bankrolled local candidates . . . at a prodigious rate." And he named a few. But he didn't name brother Jim, who has received a few thousand from the Keating camp. John explains: "That was not intended to be an exhaustive list. . . . I was just mentioning three or four to give a flavor of the thing." . . .

The roots of racial prejudice run deep here. So says a 32-year-old black man named JACK, who tells us "it's ridiculous" that he has to drive all the way to SOUTH PHOENIX to get a decent haircut. "Anywhere north in Phoenix, nobody does black hair," says Jack, a professional who lives around Tenth Street and Maryland. "Phoenix is backward." Jack swears he's never lived in a more intolerant place: "It's weird. Everybody hates everybody in this town. You have the Mexicans, you have the Indians, the whites, the blacks--and everybody hates everybody." Jack's theory: "There's a long history here, man. It goes back to cowboys and Indians."

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Ward Harkavy
Contact: Ward Harkavy