If you happen to be cheating on your significant other, you better be prepared to hide, wash, or burn your undies after the deed is done, thanks to a Phoenix laboratory that's offering its DNA testing services to people who suspect they're being cheated on.
For about $100, Phoenix-based Chromosomal Laboratories Inc. will treat your significant other's underwear like a crime scene and pull any stain, spot, or smudge that may be the result of some extra-curricular intercourse.
Melissa Beddow, an analyst for Chromosomal Laboratories, tells New Times that if you bring your significant other's undies into the lab, analysts can perform "infidelity testing" to determine whether there is any semen, saliva, or blood present.
The mere presence of (ahem) a love stain can't prove who someone's been cheating with unless there is a DNA profile of the suspect home-wrecker for comparison. However, if you can figure out a way to get a DNA sample from a suspected romantic rival, for $500, Chromosomal Laboratories can either prove or disprove any suspicions you may have.
Beddow says stealing someone's underwear and testing it for DNA isn't an invasion of privacy because the tests aren't used in court -- although, in some cases, like divorce proceedings, Chromosomal Laboratory's results can be admitted into evidence.
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SHOW ME HOW
If you don't think your significant other is cheating, just take a look at some of the
scare tactics facts provided on the company's Web sites.
According to the company's sites, www.caughthercheating.com and www.caughthimcheating.com, 40 percent of all wives have an affair at some point in their marriage, compared to 60 percent of all husbands, and 17 percent of all divorces are the result of infidelity.
With all that cheatin' going on, Beddow says Chromosomal Laboratories has been busy searching peoples' skivvies for semen etc., with as many as five clients per week requesting its services.
If you think you're getting two-, three-timed, whatever and want to prove it by stealing your partner's tell-tail undies, click here.