Feathered Bastard

Conan O'Brien Pulls Out the Knee Pads for Joe Arpaio Wednesday Night

Wanna see Triumph poop on Sheriff Joe, or are you just pissed Conan's gonna blow the geriatric gendarme? Call NBC and tell them how you feel at (212) 664-4444. 

As disgusting as this sounds, it's apparently true that Wednesday night NBC's Late Night with Conan O'Brien will feature a visit by Maricopa County's corrupt top constable, who'll be plugging this retarded Fox Reality show of his, Smile...You're Under Arrest!

Gonad, um, I mean Conan, is not known for his heavy lifting in the mental arena, so expect Arpaio to receive the usual inane, goofy questions he normally gets from personalities of O'Brien's stripe. You know, questions about the pink underwear, the chain gang, the green bologna, and so on. Plus, we can expect clips from Joe's asinine reality pilot, which uses Maricopa County deputies as undercover shills, conning penny-ante criminals into turning themselves in while being punked Ashton Kutcher-style.

Who's paying these deputies' salaries while they engage in junior-high school pranks? We don't know yet, because the MCSO has yet to cough up all the records. As you can see from the screen shot, here, several deputies were used by the producers. Were they doing this on county time or what? 

But aside from this, what should turn everyone's stomach is how Arpaio is being treated like some warm and fuzzy Sesame Street character by these Television nudniks, when he regularly tramples the civil rights of residents in Maricopa County, whether citizen or undocumented migrant. Here in cactus country, people who disagree with Arpaio are arrested regularly, sometimes for "clapping" at public meetings. And all Hispanics here are potential victims of the racial profiling done by Arpaio's goon squads.

Inmates awaiting trial in Arpaio's gulags regularly meet brutal, inhumane deaths. People like Robert Cotton or Juan Mendoza Farias, check in, but never check out alive: Murdered either by other inmates or by jail guards. Do you think O'Brien has one iota of a clue about the nefarious activities Arpaio is regularly engaged in? Not likely. Though he should. Both the New York Times editorial blog, and the Times' David Carr have weighed in on Joe's lame-ass new show. The Times' blog even named Arpaio, "America's Worst Sheriff."

About the only way this carrot-topped spaz O'Brien could redeem himself and his show for inviting on Arizona's version of Idi Amin would be to have Triumph the Insult Dog come out and, per his act, ask Joe to sniff his butt, or tell Joe, "You're a great sheriff...for me to poop on!" But even that wouldn't totally make up for it. If you're as pissed as I am by this, call NBC's comment line in NYC and give them an earful. The number is (212) 664-4444.

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Stephen is a former staff writer and columnist at Phoenix New Times.
Contact: Stephen Lemons