David Hans Schmidt, uh, I mean Schmuck: Didn't Momma tell you not to fuck with Scientologists, especially Tom "Dem Psychs Iz Crazy" Cruise?

Schmidt with Joe Arpaio's former spleen victim Jefferson Davis McGee...

Hey if Germany can't keep TomKat out of the country, as much as they dislike Scientologists, do you really think it's smart to try to hustle Cruise? The latest from the AP says the Valley's not-so-beloved Sultan of Sleaze, David Hans Schmidt, defender of Jefferson Davis McGee's Arpaio-appropriated spleen and purported peddler of Paris Hilton's used sex toys (oooh), is under arrest on a $100,000 bond for allegedly trying to extort cash from Tom Cruise for some snaps of his wedding to Katie Holmes in Italy. Check it out:

LOS ANGELES -- An Arizona man known for delivering compromising celebrity photos to a titillated public has been arrested after an alleged shakedown plot against Tom Cruise.

The actor's lawyer, Bertram Fields, alleges David Hans Schmidt, 47, demanded more than $1 million to not publish stolen photographs from the actor's 2006 wedding to Katie Holmes in Italy.

Beyond me why anyone would give a shit about looking at Cruise's wedding pics, or why the FBI, which collared Schmidt, isn't out chasing terrorists or jacking off in a Tucson toilet, but that's just the crazy, effed-up world we live in. What, was Cruise wiping the wedding cake all over Holmes nekkid, postpartum bod? (So hot.) That's about the only reason I'd give a flying eff.

New Times has written about Schmidt so many times the gag factor nearly sets in when I see his name in print. Still, if the guy wasn't making the AP every year or so with something like this, I doubt the folks in Hollywood would know where AZ is. They probably still don't know, but at least they hear about it from time to time, all because of Sand Land booster Schmidt.

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