Femmy Nazis

This sardonic sky-soarer's been spending a butt-load of hours on the Net of late, studying all the far-right ravens on the neo-Nazi networking site, a racist MySpace, where bigoted dillweeds with time on their hands and Adolf Hitler in their hearts can let their fascist freak flags fly. As you'll recall, this beaked biped reported last week that two-ton former Mesa City Council candidate and Rusty Childress-chum J.T. Ready had been outed by the ADL for having a profile on the white power Web site under the handle Viking Son. ("Ready Racist," April 26, 2007).

But Ready's hardly the only knuckledragger in Sand Land with a page. Indeed, of the site's nearly 2,000 members, AZ boasts scores of scumbags and scumbaguettes who've declared their racist ways for all the Web to see. True, they rarely use their real names. But these supremacist scalawags are usually dumb enough to post their pics on Newsaxon's "Online Community for Whites by Whites."

Take, for example, 26-year-old Scottsdale-ite TiffanyHBB, seen sporting a smile, a shotgun and skunk-like 'do. Or there's Phx Boot Boy, 19, whose photo has him noshing a sammy, with the statement, "I am a white nationalist living in Phoenix Arizona. This is hell!" (So why don't you move to, like, Idaho, or somethin', bitch?) Then there's Glendale-based tuke-wearer Arizonawarskin, 35. Pictured embracing his spouse, he remarks that he's a "PROUD WHITE MAN RAISING MY ARYAN CHILDREN WITH MY WIFE. WE LIVE BY THE 14 WORDS." The 14 words ("We must secure the existence of our people and a future for White children") constitute a supremacist slogan uttered by imprisoned neo-Nazi David Lane, one of the founding members of the white nationalist terrorist organization known as The Order.

There's also a heavily tattooed dude giving the Hitler salute who goes by Tat2dbootboi. He's 28, lives on the West Side and claims to be a skin-inker at a Glendale-based tattoo parlor. "I was beneath the zog wire for ten long years," he says. "But am now back in the trenches fighting for our noble cause!" ZOG stands for Zionist Occupation Government, the worldwide Jewish conspiracy that extremists fantasize controls the media, the U.S. government, banks and whether or not Britney Spears wears her knickers at night. His reference to being "under the zog wire" seems an admission that he did a decade in prison. That's right, the guy giving you that pirate tattoo on your ass may just be some ex-con who worships Wotan and Heinrich Himmler. Betcha Tat2dbootboi can ink a mean swastika!

All this is par for the prejudiced course. Everyone knows the Zona has more than its share of bigoted meth-snortin' boneheads who delude themselves that they're members of a master race. But what seems particularly perverse is all the barely legal white pride wenches on the site from all over the planet. Why, if this ibis wasn't committed to the joys of interracial boot-knockin', it might even consider donning steel-toed Doc Martens and shaving its headfeathers to get with these race-hatin' 'hos. Though, in truth, The Bird would be a SHARP, if shorn. You know, a member of the group that calls itself Skinheads Against Racial Prejudice.

How can so many babes be so freakin' retarded? That's what this wacky warbler wonders as it eyeballs wanna-be Eva Brauns like National Socialist strumpet SKiNGIRL88, an 18-year-old hottie from Queens, New York, who lists her turn offs as "Drugs. Lack of respect for self and others. Interracial relationships. And subhuman scum in general." Well, at least she's drug free. Nineteen-year-old trailer-trash hottie WhitePowerKrissie1488, from Durham, Connecticut, hates "whores" and "anyone who isn't white." The Bird's prediction: She and her "sexy white boyfriend" eventually get popped for knocking over a 7-Eleven. And from Scotland — the land that gave us sucky comic Billy Connolly, the Bay City Rollers and haggis — comes Cupcake, 18, a culinary student who loves bubblegum, making her own jewelry and collecting retro roller skates. Cupcake dislikes "anyone not white, especially when they invade my country." Invade? What, and steal all that peat moss you guys have up there in kilt country? Not over Sean Connery's soon-to-be dead body!

There's a reason no one's ever made a scientific link between eye-candy and IQ. A lot of 18-year-old chicks (and doods) are as dumb as dachshund doo-doo, even if they happen to be easy on the peepers. That may help explain a curvy Swedish lass like Idun28, who boasts a triskelion tatt over her butt-crack, or a doe-eyed darling like Florida femme Forgottensoul88, who decorates her profile with Nazi flags and knives. Older dipshits on haven't got much of an excuse. Um, unless you count inbreeding. does have an interesting backstory. According to Anthony Griggs, a research analyst with the Southern Poverty Law Center, the neo-Nazi networking site's six or seven months old, and it was recently sold by its founder Todd Findley to the National Socialist Movement. Seems Findley got popped March 30 for grand theft. Allegedly, he swindled a number of poor whites out of their savings as part of a plan to build an all-Caucasian community in Florida. While on bail, he posted a message on one supremacist forum offering to sell for $1,000 because he needed money for a lawyer. He bragged that it was worth far more than that, and it probably is, as the graphics and whatnot are close to what MySpace offers.

KEEP PHOENIX NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Stephen is a former staff writer and columnist at Phoenix New Times.
Contact: Stephen Lemons