Feathered Bastard

Grant Woods, the Internet Jay Leno?

I don't think Carson Daly or Jay Leno'll be breaking a sweat over this one any time soon, but I just got a little promo e-mail in my in-box announcing the launch of ex-Arizona Attorney General Grant Woods' "new interactive website and online talk show" grantwoods.com. What's next, Terry Goddard pimping himself as a centerfold for Cosmo? Jan Brewer in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition? Rick Romley doing play-by-play for the Phoenix Suns? (Well, that last one might be kinda cool.) Ay caramba!

On the other hand, the guy does have advertising from Budweiser, and boasts David Spade and alleged drunken blowjob-getter Sir Charles Barkley as a couple of his first guests, thereby running through the entirety of the Valley's celebrity quotient. But wait, you can also get Grant's Oscar predictions, find out what sort of underwear he's got on (if any), and discover what his fave viral videos are. Hey, where's the Twitter so we can get updated on how Grant's morning ritual went?

Just kidding about the underwear, though I'm sure the ladies out there will be disappointed. For all of you under 30, who're are going, "Grant, who?" right about now, no he's not that guy who you learned about in college art history class who painted American Gothic, but close. Ask your 'rents if they're from Arizona. Otherwise, I don't know what to tell ya. In any case, the next "Two girls, one cup," it aint. So you can go back to downloading retarded YouTube clips and eating Cheetos without worrying that you're missing anything.

One final quibble for the publicist who wrote his press release, which states that with this vanity site, Woods "returns to the air waves with a brand new version of his talk show." Sorry, but podcasts don't count as being on "the air." For that, you need a radio gig, which Grant apparently had back in the Stone Age. Don't get me wrong, I like the guy, politician wise. But not everyone needs to be an Internet star, capisce?

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Stephen is a former staff writer and columnist at Phoenix New Times.
Contact: Stephen Lemons