Feathered Bastard

Guadalupe Mayor Rebecca Jimenez gets a ticket; nativist nutbars bay at the moon.

Bad-ass Becca, still not kowtowing to the MCSO...

The viciousness of nativist Neanderthals in this burg knows no bounds. Take the comments on the story at azcentral.com regarding the picayune report of Guadalupe Mayor Rebecca Jimenez receiving a citation for driving minus a headlight. The way these nimrods natter, you'd think the woman had sawed off the head of a toddler and fed it to a rabid javelina.

"This mayor sounds like a total B****!!" writes some dillweed-muncher named "urlacher1285." Others prattle on about her weight, calling her "chunky." Can we see some pics of these pea-brains? Knowing the nativist community as I do, I'll bet they resemble the broad side of an 18-wheeler.

Another nincompoop nad-scratcher with the handle "huskerfan" makes it sound like Jimenez ran over his granny while suckin' back a fifth of Cuervo and smokin' a doobie:

"I used to go to Guadalupe all the time for cool ironwork, Mexican art, farmers market, etc. But not anymore Madam Mayor. You've destroyed your quaint little towns reputation with your idiocy and insane statements."

What insane statements? That Joe's out to get her after she stood up to him on April 3 during Arpaio's anti-brown dragnet in her town? That's a given. The lady should just assume her phone's tapped and that Joe's Selective Enforcement Unit's planning to selectively enforce some statutes on her.

After all, she unmanned Joe the evening of April 3 by asking our craven top constable to vamoose from the parking lot of the Family Dollar store where he'd set up Camp Shenanigans. He said he wouldn't, then he did, and then he went on to piss away a $1.2 million contract with the town. All for Arpayaso's wounded pride (payaso meaning "clown" en Espanol).

Maybe Joe can have his secret police find out if the mayor has any overdue library books or unpaid parking tickets. If it's a big enough fine, perhaps the goons of the Selective Enforcement Unit can haul her down to the Fourth Avenue Jail and put an illegal ICE hold on her. So what if she's a citizen? It hasn't stopped them before.

Of course, as soon as they nabbed Jimenez for the headlight, the dumbass Deputy was ordered to write it up as a full report by MCSO higher-ups so they could release it to the press. See, this is how they operate. For instance, if they caught tort-titan Mike Manning -- the cat who's sued the crap out of the MCSO and won again and again -- driving with a pair of fuzzy dice hanging from his rearview mirror, it'd probably end up on the evening news. Such is the price of standing up against Arpaio.

The racism really oozes out as long as Arizona's drooling, Skoal-spittin' pinheads can mouth off under the guise of a nom de Internet. Gander at the toilet-wall scribblings of this troglodytic trollette Lexie01:

"Why is it hispanics don't use or fix their headlights? Not only do I see them every morning before dawn with them off, but was plowed into one with them off in total darkness...Oh, and I am not racially profiling. All of my students are hispanic."

Yeah, and some of my best friends are mutant redneck assholettes. Not!

With albino orangutans like these allowed to vote, it's no wonder that a deranged tyrant like Arpaio's been the Sheriff for so many years. Sometimes I despair that this sandbox called Maricopa County is doomed to evolutionary stasis when I read the rantings of these mentally retarded mooncalves.

Mayor Jimenez's got moxie by the bucketful. She doesn't take any shit, whether it's from Sheriff Joe or some Deputy Barney on patrol. Jimenez has stated she'll pay the dang ticket. If Nickel Bag wants her to smile as she does so, well, he should probably expect a vertical one.

As for the rest of the MCSO report, it's worth wrapping a dachshund's doo in, but that's about all. I put zero faith in anything that comes out of the MCSO's department of PR whoredom. As long as the Sheriff's office is led by a prune-faced poltroon who declines to serve 40,000 outstanding felony warrants, and who claims his approval rating is in the 80th percentile -- when it's really in the low 60s -- there's no reason to reckon otherwise.

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Stephen is a former staff writer and columnist at Phoenix New Times.
Contact: Stephen Lemons