Feathered Bastard

Is the Repugnant's Laurie Roberts an anti-Mexican bigot?

AZ's anti-immigrant Erma Bombeck...

Maybe the AZ Repugnant's soccer-momish columnist Laurie Roberts isn't a Hispanic-hatin' hausfrau, but she sure sounds like one sometimes. Take Lame-o Laurie's latest screed, her June 23rd opinion piece titled "Another victim of uncontrolled border," in which she blames a death by DUI on the lack of security at AZ's border with Mexico. The DUI-er in question was -- you guessed it -- a, ahem, wasted wetback: That’s her subtext, anyway. It's a term Roberts all but uses.

They’re coming and we can’t do a thing about it,” cries Roberts, putting her specious spin on a quote from ICE spokesman Vinnie Picard. Roberts continues, stating that we need to “find a way finally to get control of the border,” in order to stop sauce-induced slayings by boozy border-jumpers.

If there's a circle of hell devoted to the sin of obviousness, the potato-faced Roberts belongs in it. To be fair, she has a thing for DUIs in general. One of her other pet issues is how illegal immigrants cause crime. So when these two issues intersect, she goes off the deep end. She's also a vocal supporter of Prop 100, the now-law that seeks to deny bail for those in the country illegally, and she sings the County Attorney's line on that one. She practically writes like a flack for Thomas these days. Maybe she's shooting to be the female Lou Dobbs. She already looks like Dobbs with longer hair.

There's a certain gossamer-veiled bigotry going on in Roberts' columns. Reading between the lines, she panders to extremists in the already-extreme anti-immigration movement. And that seems to be hunky-dory with her bosses. Now that I've said that, I'm sure that if she responds she'll try to pull some Hispanic BFF or relative out of her closet.

That wouldn't prove anything, of course. County Attorney Candy Thomas is an excellent example: his wife's Hispanic, so presumably his four kids are half-Hispanic. Doesn't stop him from trying to do the same thing to the undocumented that he's done to his spouse at least four times.

I've noted Roberts' subliminal bigotry before. Take her May 3 column on baby-abandonment, where she mentions a newborn dropped off at a specially-made drawer at Banner Thunderbird. She takes pains to note that, "Inside was a blond-haired, blue-eyed baby boy." Christ, Laurie, why not just call the bambino a lil' Aryan bundle of joy?

Or there's her March 7 column where she breathlessly denounces pols of both parties for having blood on their hands, as all these Mexican killers are getting through our porous border and murderin' Americans because our leaders haven't solved the immigration issue. Sometimes, to read Roberts' diatribes, you'd think everyone who commits a crime in AZ looks like Cheech Marin or Pancho Villa, take your pick.

Hey, what can you expect from a middlebrow who writes of herself, "I also look forward to that quiet half-hour in the morning when I can read the newspaper over my Special K and ease into the day." Can someone get this alter kocker a laxative? I think she has another column to squeeze out.

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Stephen is a former staff writer and columnist at Phoenix New Times.
Contact: Stephen Lemons