Feathered Bastard

Janet "Manet" Napolitano: The PC Grinch Who's Afraid of Christmas.

Manet, the PC Grinch who's afraid of Christmas...

How in the hell did Janet Napolitano become Governor of this state? Her major accomplishments while in office have been: 1) staying in the closet despite her widely-assumed lesbianism; and, 2) pulling inane PC crap, like changing the name of Squaw Peak to Piestewa Peak (a name no one uses) and labeling the official AZ Capitol Christmas tree a "Holiday Tree," as was recently reported by local journo Howie Fischer.

Nappy told Howie that "We're celebrating a number of holidays," then admitted that Christianity is the only religion that decorates effin' pine trees like that. Indeed, legend has it that Martin Luther, father of the Reformation, decorated an Xmas tree to mimic the stars shining through tree branches. (Though some monk dood did it before him, supposedly.) Yes, conifers were used by Roman and Germanic pagans to symbolize different things, but decorating trees with lights and freakin' popcorn and candycanes? That's as Christian as canned ham, boychik.

I figured my pals at the ACLU would be all for this PC stuff. So instead I called up Sean McCaffrey, executive director of the AZ Republican Party, and asked him for a response to the Governor's dumbass move.

"The Governor can continue to offend people with her budget," he told me. "She should stop worrying about offending people with her foliage."

Don't get me wrong. She should throw a Menorah up there too. Maybe put one right on her desk. Spin the dreidel with reporters. Eat some freakin' latkes. Live it up. Kwanzaa? Put that kente cloth on, girl. And when Ramadan rolls around, her ass can fast. After all, Janet's caboose always has been kinda big. Not that I'm one to talk.

See, not only is this PC-bull for the birds, it's downright arrogant. Who the heck is Janet Napolitano to re-christen the Christmas tree? Sorry, Christianity pre-dates her by about 2,000 years. And though other government entities attempt these same PC name-change-switcheroo shenanigans, a Christmas tree is now and always will be a Christmas tree. Just like a Menorah will always be a Menorah, not the "Holiday Lamp."

BTW, Secretary of State Jan Brewer told Howie it's a Christmas tree in her offices, and will be if she wins an eventual bid to replace Manet once Manet's termed out. But then, Jan's a Republican. And Republicans are allowed to celebrate Christmas.

I understand all about the division of church and state, and fully support it. But this is really ridiculous.

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Stephen is a former staff writer and columnist at Phoenix New Times.
Contact: Stephen Lemons