Jarrett and Goliath

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Maupin holds that if downtown were hot, big business would be fighting to get into that market: "The shameful thing is: You're going to give [millions] for the CityScape project in tax rebates and different things, and you're dealing with a downtown that doesn't even have a McDonald's."

In contrast, fast-money Phil's practically a wholly-owned subsidiary of Phoenix's business elite. His doorstop-sized campaign-finance report reads like a roster of Sand Land movers-and-shakers, boasting names like Jerry Colangelo; PHX Art Museum Director Jim Ballinger; Valley Metro Rail CEO Richard Simonetta; Arizona Cardinals owner Bill Bidwill; ambulance-service hawker Pat Cantelme; hubby of Maricopa County Supervisor Mary Rose Wilcox, restaurateur Earl Wilcox; Harkins Theatres owner Daniel Harkins; our senior U.S. senator's wife, Cindy McCain; and Phoenix council members Thomas Simplot and Peggy Bilstein.

Big law and development entities are represented in force, their employees often giving the per-person limit. Notably, the execs of RED Development and its sister companies have collectively poured $7,150 into the Phil for Phoenix Campaign Committee. This is the same RED Development that's partnering with the city on the $900 million CityScape initiative, soon to flatten Patriots Square for condos and a P.F. Chang's.

In other words, the fix is in. The high-muck-a-mucks have got Goober on a short leash, and as long as nearly nobody votes, the Gordon gravy train will keep choo-chooin'. Maupin'll be lucky to make double digits.

But then, there's a tiny part of this buzzard's black heart that wants to believe the Rev when he preaches that, like David, he'll slay the giant. Hell, even if Maupin doesn't stand a snow cone's chance in Yuma, the race will be a hell of a lot more interesting with him in it.


After New Times' profile of butch-lesbo nativist Laine Lawless ("Burn, Baby, Burn!," February 15), the word's been out about redneck posterboy Rusty Childress’ anti-immigrant bashes at his Kia dealership at 23rd Avenue and Camelback Road. On Thursday nights, Childress and his pals do everything but burn crosses at what the dealership's Web site dubs "the friendliest place in town."

Featured speakers at Childress' United for a Sovereign America's "Town Hall" meetings have included Don "The Fruit Falls Way Away from the Tree" Goldwater and state legislator Russell "White Pride" Pearce, among assorted other racist wackjobs. Dying to know what goes on at these kooky coffee klatches, this daffy duck did its Donnie Brasco bit and went undercover.

First off, The Bird's gotta say it's ironic that the America-lovin' Childress peddles Korean Kias. How can he and his cronies justify having their patriotic fiestas at a biz that's helpin' make Asian businessmen rich? When this pesky parrot squawked this query to Childress, he declined comment. Naturally, this was after The Bird revealed it had been attending Childress' meetings sub rosa, so perhaps Rusty was pissed.

Childress' anti-immigrant fetes happen inside the dealership's showroom, where, beside photos of smiling customers with their brand new Kias, there are snapshots of gaps in border fencing and posters of cops busting Hispanics, with captions like "Future guest worker of America" and "These are the jobs Americans refuse to do." The latter is beneath a picture of Latina prostitutes getting collared by the cops.

Hey, speak for yourself, Rusty. Most of the workin' girls this garrulous goose knows are whiter than a Zero bar.

Basically, on the evenings this pro-immigration ibis attended, a bunch of forty- and fiftysomethings and grizzled biker types gnawed their gums as they listened to Childress prattle on about how Mexico's invading America and how he wishes the "leaf blowers" would stay put in Sonora.

Attendees then burst into extended bitch sessions that made Rosie O’Donnell and those other biddies on The View seem like Face the Nation. They whined about pols they don't like, including Governor Janet Napolitano, or "Crappy Nappy" as they call her; Senator John McCain, Congressman Jeff Flake and State Representative Kyrsten Sinema, whom they renamed "Kyrsten Enema." They also heaped praise on fellow Mex-haters Darrell AnKKKarlo of KTAR and Bruce Jacobs of KFYI.

At one session, foulmouthed Mesa City Council candidate J.T. Ready lambasted the "Anti-Defecation League" for denouncing groups like United for Sovereign America. Buffalo Rick Galeener, a Cave Creek musician and disabled vet, yammered on about how he protests at Bank of America locations because BofA offers credit cards to the undocumented in California. And Sandra Miller, an online columnist, blasted Mesa police detective Matt Browning for stating at a legislative conference in March that the immigration debate is stoking the fires of extremist groups. Miller requested that those in attendance file citizen complaints about Browning's speaking out to the Mesa department. Miller told The Bird after one meeting, "I'm a fighter. I take no prisoners. He's gonna pay with his blood."

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Stephen is a former staff writer and columnist at Phoenix New Times.
Contact: Stephen Lemons