Sheriff Joe Arpaio's star power seems to be approaching rock-bottom -- he was relegated to a Tampa zoo instead of a speaking role at the Republican National Convention, he can't get the CEO of Craiglist to acknowledge his existence, and he can't get a B-list celebrity to call him a "fat motherfucker" to his face.
Yes, Arpaio's still focused on being the butt of alleged comedian George Lopez's joke/tirade about him, in which Lopez explained he's not exactly a fan of the "fat motherfucker," "fucking puto" Sheriff.
Now, Arpaio has written a letter to Lopez, begging him to come to Phoenix to perform his routine. Arpaio promises he'll stand right there and take it all.
"I recently had the opportunity to Watch your HBO comedy routine that aired countless times," Arpaio writes. "You recall, I'm sure, making reference to me and the perceptions often tied to my stance on illegal immigration enforcement. I have to admit that I was a bit surprised and taken aback at the language and characterization of me in your comedy routine."
That language from Lopez's routine included, "Sheriff Joe in Arizona: fuck you, you fucking puto. How about that? Fuck you. You fat mother fucker. Fuck you. I said I was going to talk some shit. Fuck you Sheriff Joe you fucking puto. Fuck you."
That's what Arpaio's begging Lopez to say.
"That being said, I think our MASH program is a wonderful charity that could greatly benefit from the increase in interest that you would bring to the event by agreeing to perform," Arpaio continues. "That is why I am extending this invitation. I am even willing to stand on stage, with you, and take every bad thing you may want to say to me, in person, in the spirit of raising money for a worthy cause. If need be, I will personally pay for your airline ticket for the quick trip."
One more line of begging: "You would certainly be perceived as a hero by the residents of Maricopa County if you could put your personal feelings about me aside and do this for the animals."
No he wouldn't. It's George Lopez.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Phoenix New Times's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Phoenix's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
MCSO's press release -- yes, of course there's a press release -- makes Arpaio sound like a tough guy, but the letter itself reads more like an 11-year-old girl trying to get the cast of Twilight to come to her house for a slumber party.
"A lot of these high-paid entertainer types like to give the appearance that these hot button issues are important to them in order to drive up their images," Arpaio says in the press release. "[B]ut when an opportunity comes up to actually talk or do something about it, they are not willing to take action if it does not directly benefit them."
The text of the pathetic letter can be found below: