Question: What is the only place on earth that has provided an Elvis impersonator, ice cream and cake, women throwing panties, coloring contests, a large Christmas tree, and an old man who likes to dress men in pink underwear?
Answer: The jails of self-proclaimed tough-guy Sheriff Joe Arpaio. In fact, the Sheriff is such a hardass about his jails that he issued a press release today to announce that he's putting a Christmas tree smack-dab in the middle of his favorite jail.
-This is What Went on in Tent City Today: an Elvis Impersonator, Cake, and Female Inmates Throwing Panties at 79-Year-Old Joe Arpaio
-Excessive Heat Prompts Joe Arpaio to "Cool it" on Being a Tough Guy
The totally no-nonsense Sheriff has also ordered "holiday" music -- like the Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas album -- to be played 12 hours a day.
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"Arpaio has ordered that an eight foot fully decorated & lit Christmas tree, be placed in the middle of Tent City, a first for his nineteen year old canvas incarceration compound," MCSO's super-important press release says. "Inmates from all the jails will be able to listen, from 6AM until 6PM to various Christmas & holiday tunes sung by numerous performers over the jails loudspeaker system."
The jolly fat man says the deputies will totally dig the holiday vibe, too, so it's not just for the inmates.
"Even people in jail deserve a little Christmas cheer," Arpaio says in the MCSO press release. "People from many different backgrounds work here or are jailed here so the music we play is a collection from different religious backgrounds."
Congratulations on your votes, Maricopa County.