Joe Arpaio Wants to Be Called America's "Oldest" Sheriff, Instead of "Toughest"

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio now wants to be called America's "oldest" sheriff, instead of the title (he gave himself) of America's "toughest" sheriff.

As you can see above, in the (metaphorical) fellatio recorded on video, this is quite possibly the most awkward interview in existence of America's crustiest Sheriff.

It kind of seems like a first date, with this younger blonde lady talking about Arpaio filling the role of "father figure," as the "big daddy." There's a little hand-holding, and she explains she's polite because she's from Texas.

Joe loves Texas.

Aside from the awkward date, Arpaio mentions that he wants to be the "poster boy for senior citizens."

"There is discrimination, believe it or not, against senior citizens -- big time," America's wrinkliest sheriff says. "Nobody wants to talk about it. So, I'm 80, and I'm known as the 'toughest sheriff in America,' but I want to be known as the 'oldest sheriff in America.'"

Blondie smiled and giggled a bit. She seemed to like that, before getting into another 30 seconds worth of (totally metaphorical) fellatio, and more physical contact -- and this:

Outtake: New Times readers vomit!
Outtake: New Times readers vomit!

The blondie literally screams upon receiving Arpaio's underwear. She actually gives them back to Arpaio, so they can capture the transfer on camera -- and she giggles, staring down at Joe's drawers.

Did we just watch Sheriff Joe Arpaio in softcore porn?

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