Joe Arpaio Wants to Be Called America's "Oldest" Sheriff, Instead of "Toughest"

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio now wants to be called America's "oldest" sheriff, instead of the title (he gave himself) of America's "toughest" sheriff.

As you can see above, in the (metaphorical) fellatio recorded on video, this is quite possibly the most awkward interview in existence of America's crustiest Sheriff.

It kind of seems like a first date, with this younger blonde lady talking about Arpaio filling the role of "father figure," as the "big daddy." There's a little hand-holding, and she explains she's polite because she's from Texas.

Joe loves Texas.

Aside from the awkward date, Arpaio mentions that he wants to be the "poster boy for senior citizens."

"There is discrimination, believe it or not, against senior citizens -- big time," America's wrinkliest sheriff says. "Nobody wants to talk about it. So, I'm 80, and I'm known as the 'toughest sheriff in America,' but I want to be known as the 'oldest sheriff in America.'"

Blondie smiled and giggled a bit. She seemed to like that, before getting into another 30 seconds worth of (totally metaphorical) fellatio, and more physical contact -- and this:

The blondie literally screams upon receiving Arpaio's underwear. She actually gives them back to Arpaio, so they can capture the transfer on camera -- and she giggles, staring down at Joe's drawers.

Did we just watch Sheriff Joe Arpaio in softcore porn?

KEEP PHOENIX NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Matthew Hendley
Contact: Matthew Hendley