Feathered Bastard

Joe Arpaio Writes Al Sharpton a Letter, Burns Through a Crate of Crayons in Process

Maricopa County's top oppressor of Mexicans has written the Reverend Al Sharpton a letter in response to the civil rights leader's recent suggestion that Sheriff Joe take a long walk off a short pier career-wise, and resign from office. Unconfirmed reports have it that the sheriff went through a whole box of Crayolas in the process.

In the missive released today by the MCSO, Joe rejects Sharpton's advice on taking an early retirement, and goes on to lecture the Rev., telling him that, "not only do you not understand Arizona; you do not understand democracy."

As the U.S. Constitution has effectively been suspended for brown folk within the borders of Maricopa County, Joe may have a point. It's tough for people from more civilized parts of the world to understand just how democracy works here in Sand Land. Damn Yankees.

Arpaio claims he will pay no heed to a "publicity hound outside interloper" such as Sharpton, who has promised to take to the streets of Phoenix if Arpaio doesn't see the light and resign. After all, Maricopa County's only big enough for one publicity addict with an oversized ego.

Before Rev. Al brings his "circus" -- as the sheriff calls it -- to town, Arpaio suggests that he and the pastor meet for a confab so he can tell Sharpton how he's got it all twisted about this racial profiling stuff. Plus, when it comes to running a circus, Arpayaso reckons he can teach Sharpton a thing or two.

The sheriff even has the cheek to quote the Good Book to the Rev., telling him that "the truth will set you free."

While we're quoting the Bible, I prefer Exodus in this regard: "And the heart of Pharaoh was hardened, neither would he let the children of Israel go..." Didn't Joe see The Ten Commandments? Even Yul Brynner couldn't fight off all them frogs and locusts that Moses and the Lord threw at Rameses..

You can read the letter in its entirety, here.

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Stephen is a former staff writer and columnist at Phoenix New Times.
Contact: Stephen Lemons