Joe Arpaio's necropsies on DMX's doggies. The result? A crock of canine poo.

Doesn't the MCSO have something better to do than play with DMX's dead pit bulls? Apparently not.

Friday, I picked up a copy of the necropsies (doggy autopsies) done on the three dead canines found at rapper DMX's Cave Creek residence in August. Fresh off the MCSO's photocopier, whaddya think they show? Um, a whole lot of nothing. 'Cept for the fact that this incident has nada to do with dogfighting, and smacks of a racist ploy by the MCSO to garner headlines in the wake of the Michael Vick case. All this, as I indicated in my September 27 column, "Vick-timization." Actually, I smelled this one coming a month earlier, back on August 27 with my blog post, "DMX the new Michael Vick? Don't be too quick to believe Sheriff Joke."

The docs released by the MCSO include: an unnamed detective's summary of events (hey, I wouldn't want my name associated with this merde either); preliminary necropsy reports on the three dead dogs by Georgia vet Dr. Melinda Merck; and skeletal exam reports on each pooch. The detective's summary states the MCSO first got a complaint on August 3 about dogs on the property not having enough H2O. One day after a deputy placed a notice on the rapper's Cave Creek residence about the dogs not being cared for properly, DMX's New York entertainment lawyer Scott Mason was in contact with the MCSO.

Mason said "he was informed by the caretaker of the notice placed on the door." He stated that DMX was concerned about the dogs, "but that they have had problems hiring caretakers." Mason told the MCSO that he would contact the current caretaker Bradley Blackwell about the problem. Subsequently, the MCSO checked on the property again, where they met Blackwell and saw him watering the tail-waggers. He told an MCSO detective that there were "several dogs buried on the property" and that "the air conditioner to the house broke and he believed they may have died from the heat." Then Blackwell stated they might have died from Valley fever. The summary notes that "Later veterinary reports have stated several dogs have had Valley fever."

Valley fever?! Taxpayers are shelling out dough to find out if DMX's doggies had Valley fever?

Blackwell complained that he was caring for the dogs as a favor to DMX, and that he was "not receiving enough money from [DMX] to care for the dogs." On 8/24, the MCSO raided the home, took a dozen live dogs into custody, along with the three dead ones, some guns, a "usable" amount of pot, and a mysterious white powdery substance Arpaio at first suggested was cocaine or meth but has since turned out to be nothing illicit. The timing of the raid coincided with Michael Vick's plea deal in court, and Arpaio reaped a bonanza of free pub for this petty bullshit. I'm still trying to find out how much money this crapola has cost the taxpayers.

The preliminary necropsies all list the cause of death as "undetermined," and are pending further tests. One dog had been burned so badly, the vet couldn't even figure out the friggin' sex of the thing. Another was so decomposed, a full exam was not possible, and the summary of findings reads only "severe decomposition." A third is in better condition, but all the vet can find is some evidence of "blunt force trauma" to the shoulder and chest. Blunt force trauma can be caused by a lot of things. Dogs have been known to get hit by cars, you know. Raise your hand if you've ever had a pooch run over in the road and then buried it in your backyard.

The only other thing they might attempt to use against DMX is that the skeleton of the 5 month old dog that was burned so badly the vet couldn't determine sex had bite marks on it. Even this seems pretty effin' pathetic.

At the end of the day, other than maybe the MCSO trumping up some bogus animal cruelty charges against DMX, nothing will come of this. And if the MCSO tries to take DMX to court, here's another prediction: They will lose. Of course, that's never stopped 'em before.

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