Feathered Bastard

Joe Crummey, KTAR's L.A. Wing-Nut, and What the MCSO and Al-Qaeda Have in Common

Is there a lip-flapper at the Mormon Church-owned, right-wing talk radio station KTAR 92.3 FM that doesn't have his lips surgically connected to Joe Arpaio's flaccid penis? Excluding, perhaps, Phil Hendrie? The answer, of course, is, "No." But at least most of KTAR's saliva jockeys bother to blow our corrupt top constable within the boundaries of Maricopa County. The exception to this local bj rule is L.A.-based wing-nut Joe Crummey.

Crummey phones in his lame-ass, annoying blather from the City of Angels, even though his show is PHX-centric. It's a sweet situation, the same he had going for himself at the other conservanut station in town, KFYI, when he worked there. (Ultimately, the odd arrangement was outed in the New York Times.) These days KTAR has him on from 7 to 10 p.m., and though KTAR admits online, deep in an old press release, that he's doing the show from La-la Land, Crummey doesn't make a point of reminding listeners that he resides in relatively civilized and Arpaio-free Southern Califrornia.

How does Crummey get his Arizona news? From KTAR itself, it seems. Last night, at the tail end of his broadcast, he lambasted immigrant rights activist Lydia Guzman's criticism of Joe's latest roundup of 60 suspected illegal immigrants at a local landscaping company. This, after Crummey heard a KTAR news clip of Guzman, who heads the group Respect/Respeto, comparing Joe's masked goons to al-Qaeda operatives.

"We're talking about landscapers, we're not talking about terrorists," said Guzman in response to Arpaio's latest roundup. "Going in there with masks and guns the way they did is something out of the ordinary. It's something that shouldn't take place in a country such as ours. It's something like al-Qaeda..."

Granted, that's an imperfect comparison, as the MCSO is not out there murdering people. (Um well, save for those who die in Joe's jails from guard beat-downs or other inmates clobbering them.) But the MCSO does spread terror through operational overkill and the use of black masks to shield the identities of deputies involved. As I reported during the MCSO's January sweep in the West Valley, MCSO deputies were wearing ski masks to pull over little old ladies for expired tags. They also wore ski masks as they separated mothers from their children, as was done in the case of Ciria Lopez-Pacheco, whose crying children were caught on camera by activist Sal Reza shortly after their mom's arrest for an outstanding traffic ticket.

But Crummey dwells in the City of Angels, so he may not be that familiar with all this recent history. Or he may not care. As I said, it's essentially the policy of the station he works for to French kiss Arpaio's bunghole whenever possible. And Crummey, despite apparently being heterosexual, seems inclined towards making sweet metaphorical mouthlove to Apaio's privates. In any case, Crummey mocked Guzman's argument, referring to her as "a Latino activist," which is true, though there are some Latino activists (albeit, only a few) on the other side of the immigration debate. 

"Last time I checked, man, al-Qaeda doesn't have SWAT gear," Crummy the Cracker cried, ignoring the ski mask part of the equation, as well as the terror-spreading. "So Joe shows up, and he wants to make sure his guys are protected! How much do you make for doing that job, anyway?"

Wearing SWAT gear and toting assault rifles may be necessary while busting a meth lab, maybe even a drop-house, but a landscaping company? What are the gardeners gonna do, fertilize the deputies to death? Attack them with their weed-wackers? Gimme a break. As for the ski-masks, there's little point in using them here save to terrorize people, and to shield the sheriff's 287(g) officers from scrutiny. With their faces covered, they can pretty much do whatever they want without worrying about being identified. This is a common practice for law enforcement in third-world police states. Not in the United States of America, and especially not in circumstances where landscapers are being collared. 

On the show, Scummy Crummey raised the possibility that someone might accuse his side of the argument of racism, then went right ahead and confirmed his own cheap prejudice with a version of the old bigot's cliche.

"I've got nothing against these illegal guys," Crummey spouted a la Archie Bunker. "Besides the fact that you're illegal. I mean, one of my best friends last year was an illegal immigrant guy..."

Like they say in logic class, Q.E.D. Good thing you live in SoCal, and broadcast to P-town, Scummy. Those who should be swathed in white sheets, and their opinions, are the norm here in Sand Land. If you had enough talent to score a gig in El Lay, it's unlikely they'd cotton to your bigoted bullhockey.

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Stephen is a former staff writer and columnist at Phoenix New Times.
Contact: Stephen Lemons