Honestly, how many "adults" in this town really own swords? At what point does someone say to them self "hey, this is a dangerous part of town, I should probably get myself a sword?"
Hey idiots; this is not the Middle Ages. We no longer joust, women are no longer damsels, and there is absolutely no practical place for swords in modern society.
What's even stupider than actually owning a sword, you ask? Using it to go after a Phoenix police officer and, according to officials, a Phoenix man found himself very lucky.
On Sunday night, police responded to a domestic-violence call of a man in an apartment complex at the 11000 block of North Biltmore Drive in Phoenix trying to attack people with a knife.
When police arrived, they found 39-year-old James Alden Tuck on the floor of his apartment.
Tuck didn't initially respond to police when they asked him to roll over so they could check him for weapons. After talking to him, he rolled over and officers noticed that the "knife" they heard about over the dispatch was actually a three-foot sword.
Like a well-trained Ninja, Tuck then jumped to his feet and began swinging his sword in the direction of the officers.
This is probably where the false sense of security a sword offers became apparent.
While Tuck may think he's living in olden times, where a sword may actually deter some sort of attack, Phoenix police are living in the now and have guns.
"Fortunately for him, he put it down," Phoenix police officials tell New Times. "They would have had to shoot him; he was coming after them with a deadly weapon."
Officials say after talking with the man for a few minutes, they were able to persuade him to put the sword down.
Tuck was arrested for aggravated assault and booked into the Maricopa County Jail, where he could have to exchange his three-foot sword for a sharpened down four-inch piece of a metal with a handle made out of electric tape.
Keep Phoenix New Times Free... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Phoenix with no paywalls.