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Maricopa County Mugshots of the Week: Apocalypse Now

Just about every week, we bring you a roundup of visitors to the desert's own Fourth Avenue Jail. To be considered for our Maricopa County mugshots of the week, get arrested, strike a pose, and we'll take care of the rest.

Do you ever see a guy with a terrible face tattoo, and you just say to yourself, "Yep, we're doomed"? That's just one sign of the apocalypse -- which was totally supposed to be today -- that is represented by this week's featured Fourth Avenue visitors.

Charges: Marijuana possession, possession of drug paraphernalia

There are very few things that can cause this face.

  • Walking into his daughter's room and finding her in the sack with a guy
  • Surprisingly effective marijuana
  • Surprise diarrhea
  • Aliens

That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.

Charges: DUI, driving on a suspended license

At what point does the jail staff just say, "F%!k it, we'll get 'er while she's sleeping?" The answer to that question is this point.

Charge: Assault -- intentionally or knowingly causing physical injury

Times are different, man. Someone allegedly took an ass-kicking from a 5-foot-zero-inch 24-year-old (actual stats) with a chest tat. We'd like to think it was a guy, too. First date, even.

Charge: Disorderly conduct -- fighting

"Yeah girl, Aries. See those bitchin' ram horns? Hell yes I get that horoscope shit sent straight to my e-mail inbox ON THE DAILY. What? Gemini? Naw girl, that shit ain't gonna work out. Our planets ain't alignin' and shit."

Charge: Shoplifting

"I have no idea what's in my mouth, but damn, it's delicious." Not apocalypse-related.

Charges: Probation violation, driving on a suspended license

Abusive, alcoholic parents have undoubtedly beat their children for producing artwork way less shitty than this.

Charges: Shoplifting, failure to appear

Peoria? Peoria? There's only one possible way this could be outdone, and that would be a neck tattoo that says "SUN CITY MOTHAF*%#A"

Charges: Consuming liquor in public, failure to appear?

Can't grow a beard? Just get "Briana" tatted down your jawline. Totally normal. Tooooootally normal.

Charges: Criminal trespassing, disorderly conduct

WOAH SHIT WOAH WOAH SHIT SHIT WOAH SHIT. SHIT. WOAH. WHAT? WHAT DUDE? HOLY SH... WHAT!?

Oh. Bless you.

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