Audio By Carbonatix
Following in the footsteps of our sister papers of South Florida, Miami New Times and Broward-Palm Beach New Times, we bring you the weekly roundup of visitors to the desert’s own Fourth Avenue Jail.
This week, most of our alleged cons each have their own unique way of expressing themselves. Enjoy.
Charges: Burglary, theft, prescription-drug possession
Our first thought here was, “Holy shit, is that Lady Gaga?” Our second thought was, “No, and waterproof makeup is a good investment.”
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Charge: Marijuana possession
This is probably the first time we’ve had to make guesses about what’s behind a mustache. Another mustache? It’s just too hard to tell.
Charge: Probation violation
OH MY GOD WHAT IS IT? WHERE? Seriously, man, you’re starting to scare the kids.
Charges: Aggravated DUI, DUI — liquor/drugs combo, failure to appear
How hard to people try to avoid pissing off this guy at work? Or, if that’s a regular look, how hard do they try to avoid making eye contact?
Charges: Aggravated DUI, driving with a suspended license due to a DUI, failure to appear, failure to pay a fine
Exactly what type of injury is treated with a makeshift chef’s hat?
Charge: Criminal littering
How much time are you giving those last two? Over/Under is one month — call your bookie.
Charges: Possession of a weapon in a drug offense, dangerous-drug possession, theft, possession of drug paraphernalia
Estimated time spent every day staring into a mirror and saying, “You, talkin’ to me?” — 15 minutes.
Charges: Criminal damage, assault
Straight cash.
Charge: Failure to pay a fine
Hello James. We are all watching you sleep.
