Every week we bring you a roundup of visitors to the desert's own Fourth Avenue Jail. To be considered for our Maricopa County mugshots of the week, get arrested, strike a pose, and we'll take care of the rest.
This week, most of our Fourth Avenue visitors have some pretty evident aspirations in life. As far as we can tell -- being in jail and all -- those goals are not being met. Enjoy.
Charge: Criminal trespassing
Fair enough, pal. Did we say something about these people having goals in life? Looks like we messed that one up. All it takes is one decent "Fuck You" tattoo on your face to mark the point that you gave up on society.
Charge: Probation violation
See? Lofty goals -- "Money Over Bitches" tattooed right on the neck. However, allow us to point out a few things: star tattoos on the face signify what we'll refer to as "low testosterone." Also, if you paid anyone a dime for that haircut, you got ripped off. There's also that look on your face like you get scared of monsters hiding under your bed. Lastly, if you're relying on those 15 or 16 hairs to make a mustache, just shave the thing off, and wait until that whole puberty thing is over.
Charges: Identity theft, forgery, credit-card theft, possession of drug paraphernalia
Here we have a revolutionist in the making, who used a Emiliano Zapata quote for that chest tat. Oh, and friggin' devil horns. Rad. Big things are happening here, folks.
Charges: Criminal trespassing, criminal damage, failure to comply with a court order
G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-Unit! Remember when they were hot for a few minutes, about a decade ago? 50 Cent, Lloyd Banks, Tony Yayo, and apparently, this guy! How gangsta! Or should we say... P.I.M.P.? Buck, pass the blunt. These G-Unit girls just wanna have fun. Good times. Gooooood times.
Charges: DUI, reckless driving
She kind of looks like that girl you dated in high school, remember? Yeah, you'd have to immediately skip town if you were going to break up with her, or wake up at 3 a.m. to see this staring at you from outside your bedroom window. She was a fighter, that one.
Charges: Failure to pay a fine
That's awesome. You have a good day, sir.
Charges: Driving with a suspended license, possession of a weapon by a prohibited person, possession of a weapon in a drug offense, dangerous-drug possession, possession of drug paraphernalia
We're going to guess that there's a near-100-percent chance that this guy drove a Pontiac Trans Am T-top at some point in his life. To his credit, it was probably bitchin'.
Charges: Taking contraband into a corrections facility, marijuana possession, DUI, minor in possession of liquor
"You didn't build that?" Get a load of this, Obama. This guy built that.
Charges: Criminal trespassing, failure to pay a fine
Man, we're sure this guy just reeks of cash. So much cash (three dollar signs!?!?!), in fact, that he can't even afford to pay his fines -- ALLEGEDLY.
Keep Phoenix New Times Free... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Phoenix with no paywalls.