Maricopa County Mugshots of the Week: Making Assumptions

At the end of the week, we bring you a roundup of visitors to the desert’s own Fourth Avenue Jail. To be considered for our Maricopa County mugshots of the week, get arrested, strike a pose, and we’ll take care of the rest.

This week, we make a few assumptions about our alleged offenders. Enjoy.

12.)

Charges: Probation violation
One of those, “You break my heart, I break your neck” kind of gals.

11.)

Charges: Assault
Just chopping onions.

10.)

Charges: Probation violation
Thanks for dying for our sins.

9.)

Charges: Dangerous-drug possession

8.)

Charges: Evidence tampering, marijuana possession, open container in vehicle
It seems like this goober gets arrested every week. In regards to the neck tattoo, we highly doubt he has any money or “bitches.”

7.)

Charges: Criminal trespassing
Gee, why aren’t the home values higher in Maryvale?

6.)

Charges: Shoplifting, false reporting to law enforcement
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
So is your hair,
And it’s kind of gross.

5.)

Charges: Criminal damage
Really?

4.)

Charges: Burglary, possession of a weapon by a prohibited person, possession of drug paraphernalia
Here are two pieces of advice:
-Don’t do drugs
-Don’t scrub your face with a cheese grater.

3.)

Charges: Failure to appear
Woo . . . dodge those things like soggy grandma lips.

2.)

Charges: Animal cruelty
Damn. It would be nice to have gotten that bounty.

1.)

Charges: Open container in vehicle
Meep.