It's Friday. It's late in the workday. And I'm feeling a little punchy. So I figure it's the best time to introduce you to the genius that is Minute Man Pete.
Minute Man Pete is a proud, Arizona sandbilly who lives in a trailer in Tombstone with his trusty canine "Pedofile." He also has a blog, "Minute Man Pete's Views on Immigration," wherein he opines on the most important topics of our day: mainly "Messicans" and everything related.
For example, here's Pete's take on SB 1070:
"Wuts with all the fuss about SB 1070? Who cares if the cops wanna see yer i.d. card? I show them my card every time they come by the trailer to see why I did not check in with my probation officer.
"Anyway. Gubner Brewer is my hero. I wish I could have a Dream Act with here. Damn she looks so good for being 80 years old. I wanna have sex with her wrinkles, she is so damn sexy!!!"
Or there's Pete on his other hero Sheriff Joe Arpaio:
"Dey say dat Sheriff Joe Arpihole discrimmynates against the Messicans but dat is a big fat lie. Joe hates all of doze Messicans so he dont descrimmynate if he hates dem all. ANd the gubmint is trying to claim the Sheriff Joe violates the Silver Rights of the illeagles. The illeagles dont have a right to own silver. Heck, they should not even have the right to recycle pop canss and beer cans."
Pete on Obama's $600 million supplemental border bill:
"I used to spend the weekends protecting all of america by sitting in a folding chair with a cooler full of keystone beer and my trusty dog Pedofile. Not one illeagle got by me when I was on the job. The gumnit should just hire us to do the job dat dey cannot do."
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And Pete discussing the recent Prop 8 decision:
"Anyway, now all the fruit loops in Californricate are gonna get married and have all that homo gay sex. If i can get arrested for having sex with my farm animals then all those queers should be able to get arrested for having sex with each other. "
The highest compliment I can give another scribe is, "I wish I'd written that." And that bit of praise is applicable here. It's like someone crossed the The Beverly Hillbillies with Tom Tancredo and added a touch of Green Acres and the Ku Klux Klan.
So, Mr. Minute Man Pete-writer, I doff my chapeau in your general direction. Keep up the hilarity, sir. Because you've got the nativists nailed down tighter than the lid on the late Senator Robert Byrd's coffin. And then some.