NBA Commish David Stern: Jackass du jour...

Yo, Dave, what's that brown stuff on your lip? Ewww, never mind...

Can anyone doubt after last night's Suns-Spurs donnybrook dat we wuz robbed? Minus Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw, the mighty Suns dominated that game for 40-plus minutes, only running low on solar power towards the very end. As we're all aware, Big Stat and Diaw were out for Game 5 because they stepped away from the bench in defense of Suns point guard (and Spurs punching bag) Steve Nash. This, after scummy Robert Horry shoved the NBA poster-boy into the scorer's table in Game 4. Obviously, the penalty made all the difference in the world, forcing the Suns to run six men ragged trying keep up with a team that could afford to give its players some bench-time.

For this travesty, we can thank equine buttmunch David Stern, the NBA Commish, who defended the decision to ban Stat and Boris for a game during this hotly-contested semifinal showdown. The message? Nice guys finish last. Stern told ESPN radio's Dan Patrick that "these players took themselves out of the game" by leaving the bench to aid Nash. Meanwhile, hot-head Horry's practically bragging about his thuggery, laughing at Nash's "acting skill," while admitting to reporters that his "bump" of nice-guy Nash was premeditated. And Horry has the gall to wonder why he got the boot for two games? John Salley of Fox's Best Damn Sports Show Period once pointed out that Horry has "anger management" issues. Boy, he wasn't kiddin'. Where's Jack Nicholson in a Speedo when you need him?

The Spurs deserve an ass-whippin', and I hope they get it this Friday night. As far as all this skippin' around, playin' Boy Scouts stuff on the part of the Suns, that shit needs to change. Coach D needs to put in a big galoot like Pat "Irish Spring" Burke and have him "bump" Tim Duncan's ass into the third row. This is the playoffs, people, and our boys are headin' into enemy territory for Game 6. The Spurs are taking no prisoners. Are the Suns gonna be their punks, or what? Stoudemire's right, the Spurs are a dirty team, and the Suns need to play accordingly. Fuck David Stern. Don't get mad, get even and beat these shitkicker Spurs on their own turf. Otherwise, the PHX'll wind up with a pat on the head, a case of Kleenex and a one-way ticket to Planet Wuss.

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