Philadelphia Phillies Destroy D-Backs 8-1 As Dan Haren Nabs an Epic Fail

Hard Luck got his ticket punched during the third inning when his first pitch to four-time All-Star infielder Chase Utley became a two-run homer. His nightmare continued in the fifth as Jimmy Rollins smacked a line-drive double and Shane Victorino hit a grounder single before watching Ryan Howard clear the bases from a 1-2, two-out fastball. Jayson Werth then rubbed in a little extra salt to the gaping wound with a solo jack to the center-field seats.

Hope you enjoyed your ride, Daniel.

A majority of the D-Backs lineup joined Haren on his journey of futility, as they were shut down handily by Cliff Phifer Lee. The Cy Young-winning southpaw, who was traded away to the Phillies from Ceveland last month, was phiring off phastballs of the two-seamer and cutter variety that resulted in a staggering 11 Ks against the Snakes. (Roy Halladay, who?)

Lee pitched a full nine innings (his fifth complete game of the season) and had a no-no going into the sixth when Chad Tracy spoiled things with base-hit single. (Ryan Roberts scored an unearned run in the fourth frame after reaching second on a throwing error by Philly catcher Pedro Feliz and then crossing the dish via a sac-fly by Stephen Drew). 

Clay Zavada and Juan Gutierrez didn't fare any better out of the bullpen as each reliever gave up late-game dingers to Victorino and Werth, respectively. 

Hopefully, Doug Davis (7-10, 3.59 ERA) will fair better in tonight's (thankfully) final match-up of the series with Philadelphia at Citizens Bank Park. His opponent is scheduled to be Joe Blanton (7-6, 3.88) and first pitch is at 4:05 p.m. Arizona time. TV: Fox Sports Arizona. Radio: KTAR-AM 620. More info:

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Benjamin Leatherman is a staff writer at Phoenix New Times. He covers local nightlife, music, culture, geekery, and fringe pursuits.