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Recession To End September 17, According to Valley Businesses That Have Absolutely No Authority to End Recessions

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Congratulations America, the recession is almost unofficially over!

Well, if you believe Valley businesses that have declared September 17 the official end of our current national economic woes.

If it was that easy, why the hell didn't they do this six months ago?

Not only are all of our economic problems soon to be over, the organizers of this historic declaration are throwing a party in celebration, and we're all invited.

Bluemedia and F1 Race Factory are sponsoring the event, which will take place September 17 from 3:30 to 8:30 p.m. at the F1 Race Factory in Phoenix.

"There are a lot of smarter people out there than us that have been talking about the end of the recession," explains Jared Smith, founder and president of bluemedia and the organizer of the event. "We felt like it's time to officially draw the line in the sand and begin the next chapter with a bang."

The party sounds pretty boss, too. Party-goers will be able to cruise around on European-style ProKarts on the two-quarter mile tracks, play billiards, take part in the Phoenix International Raceway Pit Crew Challenge, play arcade games, and get photos taken in 1920's costumes.

The next day, everyone in America finds a job, and gets to keep their houses!

Oh wait; scratch that. We'll still probably be in a recession because unfortunately, Bluemedia, and F1 Racing don't control the global economy. The party sounds pretty fun though. 

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