If you flew on a United Airlines flight out of Phoenix this afternoon, you may want to wash your hands -- or your everything.
A United plane, in which a guy masturbated and ejaculated on his seat on May 19, has been criss-crossing the country since. According to a website that tracks flights of particular airplanes, the tainted aircraft took off from Phoenix's Sky Harbor International Airport just after noon today.
We can only assume United tried to clean the semen-stained seat -- attempts to contact the airline's media-relations office this morning were unsuccessful -- but if you're like us, you know that the semen of another human being is never really cleaned up.
The alleged masturbator, 25-year-old Kyle Pearce, of Florida, was arrested by FBI agents Thursday in Denver after deboarding the semen-stained airplane.
Several witnesses watched as Pearce mono-fornicated in his seat during the flight from Spokane, Washington, to Denver, including an 18-year-old woman who gives the following account:
"I sat next to a man on a plane who was masterbating [sic]. I heard a noise and looked over and saw his penis," the teenager recalled in a written statement first obtained by The Smoking Gun. She added, "He ejaculated and got some on the seat. Then he went to the bathroom for a long time."
Another witness, Grayson Miller, 18, recalled, "My friend, Zach, turned to me and said, 'That man is masturbating' and in disbelief, I looked and saw his penis and he was."
Miller went on to say, "I hit him with my book in the arm, which caused him to stop and leave to the bathroom."
See the witnesses full statements here.
The tainted plane has the tail number N843UA. You can track the plane's movements across the country -- and upcoming itinerary -- by clicking here.