Feathered Bastard

Sheriff Joe Arpaio's BIGGEST fan: XXXL masseuse Brandy Baron.

Brandy au naturel, from her Web site brandysmassage.com.

I'll be out of pocket for the next couple of days, and so will not be able to blog as normal. There will be some catching up to do Monday, on the new Cave Creek raid and the series on Joe in the East Valley Tribune. Interesting video the Trib has online. Joe looks like a geriatric gangster, and PR flack Lisa Allen [formerly Lisa Allen MacPherson], his past-her-prime gun moll. I haven't had a chance to watch it all or read it all, so I'll reserve judgment until I can.

I have a bit of nativist nuttiness for you in the meanwhile, a member of United for a Sovereign America and stalwart supporter of Sheriff Joe by the name of Brandy Baron. A regular at anti-immigrant protests around town, Baron is a masseuse by trade, a practitioner of the art of the sensual touch, and though she strictly states on her Web site Brandysmassage.com that she will not perform any act of a sexual nature, she does offer "tandem" massages with an equally adipose skin-buffer by the name of Taylor.

Brandy is available by appointment at A Touch of Heaven Massage, which she's informed me in the past that she owns. The trade name is registered with the Arizona Secretary of State under the name Frank Baron, but the "Whois" for TOH's Web site lists "Brandy Baron" as the contact person.

Interestingly, two of her fellow masseuses, Angie and Nicole, have elected to have their faces blurred out online. Don't know why these gals would be so shy. Especially since the business' Web site features a disclaimer, which says,

"Anything of a sexual nature regarding massage is illegal so please don't ask us to discuss it with you. Rest assured you will have a pleasurable as well as relaxing experience with us."

Barron writes on her blog that she's of Hispanic descent, and is also firmly against any illegal immigration. She's particularly bitchy about immigration from Mexico (Canadians are apparently a-OK), and she claims she wants all of the nation's immigration laws enforced. She frequently can be found demonstrating up at the Macehualli Work Center in north Phoenix as part of U.S.A.'s ongoing harassment of that day-laborer site.

Baron is intelligent enough, and though we disagree on many subjects, we agree on some others, such as the legalization of prostitution, which she advocates. Indeed, in a blog called "BBW Brandy's Blog," on the site escortblogs.com, Baron writes about the differences between street hookers and the higher end of the trade.

"I don't think that there is any more special service that can be offered to another person than pleasure," blogs Baron in a 2005 post. "Most outside of the profession think that it's all about sex and money. Those same people usually think of anything sexual between unmarried people as being dirty. They have no idea how much caring, compassion and nurturing goes into providing intimacy. A good provider offers herself as a companion which is far more than just a sex toy. I have no respect or regard for those people who cheapen the profession by standing on street corners. They are the main reason that so many have such a low opinion of sex work. THEY are the ones that always get seen! A good professional is very discreet for everyone's protection."

I had a little confab with her on this a while back, at the state Democratic convention, no less. I was there reporting, and she was there doing a little observing for her camp. Her adult daughter was with her, as were a couple of other nativists. Below's a sampling of the give and take from the impromptu interview I did with her.

I should state that I actually like Brandy as a person. I've found both her and her daughter to be civil with me, unlike most other U.S.A. members, such as alleged public urinator Buffalo Rick Galeener, Craig Tillman and others. I think it's hypocritical of her to be for the enforcement of all laws, save for those having to do with the world's oldest profession. But one's own hypocrisy is always the easiest to justify, right, Brandy?

Do you really believe in enforcing the law, BTW, Brandy?

Brandy Baron: Absolutely.

Prostitution laws?

BB: Absolutely.

You didn't say that on your blog.

BB: I would never -- I support prostitution.

I know. I'm all for it too, but it's against the law. Just like illegal immigration. What's the difference?

BB: There is a big difference, because it is a victimless crime.

I don't know. Do you think the people at U.S.A. would agree with you about that?

BB: Probably. They know I do massage.

But you don't give happy endings, do you?

BB: Hell no.

Have you ever given a happy ending?

BB: Absolutely not.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Brandy's daughter: You've got to get your action somewhere.

Yeah, at your mom's massage parlor, maybe...Why are their faces blurred out? Why would they do that if what they're doing is completely legal?

BB: That's their choice. Hey, Sheriff Joe's been in my place.

[NB: As you can see in the following, she doesn't seem to mean Joe's been there in person, only that deputies have inspected the place.]


BB: He checked on it, when he was doing his sweeps. He had his people in there checking us out too. Just like everyone else.

But not personally, I'll bet.

BB: I've never ever had a problem. We've have vice in there.

You think he can get it up?

BB: I have no idea what Sheriff Joe can do in the sack. I'm really not interested. All I want him to do is get the illegals out.

But you know it's not a cafeteria. If you want all the laws enforced, then that's a law too.

BB: But it's not a federal offense. Illegal immigration's a federal offense.

A misdemeanor, only if they catch you crossing the border illegally. Jaywalking is a misdemeanor.

Cranky old nativist dood: You turn everything around, and you're stupid.

Yeah, I'm so stupid, I don't have (neo-Nazi and U.S.A. member) Elton Hall as a problem.

Cranky old nativist dood: Elton's my friend.

Well if he's your friend, why are you so worried about him. Why are you devoting whole meetings to him?

Cranky old nativist dood: I wasn't there at the time, but he's my friend.

So you've got no problem with neo-Nazis?

BB: If it's good enough for the pope, it's good enough for us.

The pope was in the Hitler youth. It's a little different. Elton has told you he will not renounce anything he's done or believes in.

BB: I respect that. Absolutely.

You respect the fact he's a neo-Nazi? He's still a neo-Nazi.


Anyway, I don't see the difference between supporting illegal aliens and supporting illegal prostitutes.

BB: There's a big difference.

What is it?

BB: We're not taking anyone's job away. Nobody is having to support them with their tax dollars.

Do you check anyone's I.D. when they're in your massage parlor?

BB: Why would I ask for anybody's I.D.?

You could be giving a massage to an illegal alien.

BB: If they can't speak English, they don't get into our place.

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Stephen is a former staff writer and columnist at Phoenix New Times.
Contact: Stephen Lemons