Feathered Bastard

Soft-core Sexy Nurses

Irony of ironies: CNA promulgates the very images it claims to abhor...

Wanna peep pics of hot, horny nurses and not feel a bit guilty about straying from your more-liberal-than-thou PC leanings? Well, spank that monkey no further than the web address for the Center for Nursing Advocacy, a politically-correct fringe group that rivals the Taliban-like Ellen Jamesians of yore -- you know, the nutballs out to assassinate Robin Williams in the film version of John Irving's novel The World According to Garp.

Like the fictional Ellen Jamesians and the actual, pre-Camille Paglia feminazis of whom the Jamesians were a lampoon, the CNA has Orwellian pretensions, wishing to thought-control your ass by intimidating image-makers and ordinary shmucks into following its ludicrous dictates on what CNA regards as acceptable images of nurses. Thus, CNA's established a niche market amongst self-appointed feminist watchdog groups -- pretending to speak for all nurses everywhere and claiming such accomplishments as getting certain companies to drop ads featuring attractive female medics in the iconic white skirts and caps that are now completely passe. (Nurses generally wear scrubs these days. )

I imagine such asinine, rearguard efforts pull in a few donations for these wack-assed wactivists, but not as many as you might think seeing that they can list all of their donors on one page of their website. (This ain't exactly the NAACP, people.) The CNA is a tiny, Maryland-based group. And the press it receives is out of all proportion to its relatively miniscule membership roll. CNA's site lists only three chapters in existence: Baltimore, MD; Hamilton, Ontario; and Hartford, CT. Under the heading "Meetings" for each of these chapters, the site states, "We are asking for one or more members to host the first meeting," which certainly makes you wonder.

Interestingly, the first two members of CNA's four-member "staff" listed on the site are Executive Director Sandy Summers and "Senior Advisor" (how about "only advisor"?) Harry Jacobs Summers. Apparently, the Summers are, as the last name suggests, husband and wife. CNA's starting to sound like something Sandy does while home watching the rugrats.

This August the CNA-ers touted a big protest they said they had planned for the Emmy Awards in Los Angeles, only to cancel it shortly thereafter for lack of interest. Hmmm. Recently, CNA (or perhaps I should just say "the Summers") discovered Tempe's Heart Attack Grill, where burgers are served by fetching lasses dressed provocatively in "sexy nurse" outfits of the type worn to Halloween parties. Predictably, Sandy Summers decried this small eatery from the mountaintop for perpetuating so-called negative stereotypes, and has garnered her org. (and the Heart Attack Grill) some media in the process. To date, CNN's the biggest flounder to take the bait.

A recent Bird item on the Heart Attack Grill mentioned CNA in passing, but what's amusing about CNA's website is that it's a veritable jackpot of soft-core nursing images for the enlightened fetishist. These include risque snaps from the Heart Attack Grill, as well as pics from a hot ad campaign for Saw III, a naughty nurse costume that would melt titanium, salacious virtual video game nurses, and on and on. CNA usually offers several samples of the stuff it's looking to eradicate, which seems, um, kinda ironic, huh? A straight-up soft porn site might charge your credit card $19.95 a month for this action, and yet, here it is, free for all.

The Heart Attack Grill is currently doing phenomenal business, in no small part because of CNA's shrill campaign against the grub-shack. So once again, the efforts of a pack of would-be censors backfire, this time right into the bank account of the Heart Attack Grill's owner. Cha-ching! Maybe Heart Attack's proprietor should donate a few ducats to CNA. For the CNN piece alone, he owes 'em one.

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Stephen is a former staff writer and columnist at Phoenix New Times.
Contact: Stephen Lemons