Feathered Bastard

Something Awful's Sarah Palin Parodies, by Bristol Palin's Faux Babby Daddy.

The now-famous photoshopped image of Palin. For some reason, I never tire of it.

I haven't cracked up like this since the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie was released. I'm talking about these parody blog posts written by the wags at the comedy Web site Something Awful after the manner of Bristol Palin's baby daddy Levi "Hockey" Johnston. The guy most responsible seems to be SA staffer Zack Parsons, whose e-mail is linked to Johnston's name at the bottom of the mock posts. The first of these, titled, "WHAT THE FUCK IS UP AMERICA???" is reminiscent of the kind of stuff Doug Kenney and Michael O'Donahue used to churn out for National Lampoon back in the day.

Just call him, "Hockey"...

Parsons evidently made a study of Johnston's MySpace page, which includes nuggets such as the following:

"Barack Obama and all his people talking crap are not my heroes, thats all I have to say. On one hand he tells everyone to stay out of candidates childrens lives, then he sends his goons to write whatever they can on the internet while no one is looking? And he wants to be president....?"

Compare the style of the real Johnston above to the first few graphs from the fake Johnston pimped by SA.

"HELlo my name is Levi Johnston but you can call me Hockey Johnston or just Hockey if you want. Might of heard of me. I'm the dude that knocked up Bristol, Mrs. Palin's daughter. The older daughter. Willow is H.A.F. 2 but im just talking about Bristol. I only tore that up. Not Willow. Ever.

So whats up. I just wanted to introduce myself to America. Say how are things with you and whats going on.

Things have been really hecktic for me. First I found out Bristol was pregnant and I was like...you know...whoa. Not on my watch. Lets find you a doctor. You know what I'm saying?

But Bristol was all blah blah blah gods plan this and blah blah blah a brother for my other son that her mom gave some crazy ass name like tranquilizer or some shit. I don't know what the fuck is up with that but that baby sucked anyway it had fetal alcohol syndrome or some shit. Mrs.Palin parades that baby around like its hers and even feeds it from those sweet ass titties shes got so im cool with that."

For the uninitiated, H.A.F stands for, "Horny As Fuck." This first post is easily the funniest by far, but there are a few more on the site, including one where the faux Johnston responds to what seem to be actual letter writers who didn't get the joke. It's titled, "THANKS FOR THE EMAILS FAGGOTS," and starts out, thusly:

"Well, well, well...looks like a whole bunch of you tards decided to email me about how upset you are. Like I give a fuck. A lot of you was pissed off for some reason about shit I said about Mrs. Palin Bristol's fine ass mom.

A lot more of you was all pissed off at me like faggots because I was being mean to Bristol or some bullshit. And there was all kinds of politics gaywads.

I didn't plan on writing no more articles but this BS has gotta be responded to. I can't just leave it hanging."

There are two more Johnston posts on SA, "OBAMNA HIJACKED INTO MRS. PALINS EMAIL!!!!" and "DRAMA AND CRISIS AND I AM SUSPENDIN MY SHIT." But I don't think these two are quite as funny as the others. Still, they're worth checking out.

Maybe these guys should try writing similar stuff from other members of Palin's trailer park-ish clan. Imagine erotica, for instance, written by a faux Sarah Palin. Or maybe a Jack London parody updated to Todd Palin's North Slope adventures. The possibilities are as wide open and seemingly limitless as Alaska's frozen tundra. And, hell, the only thing funnier (tragicomic, actually) would be a Palin presidency, which, as things stand, might be still be in our future should McCain take the White House.

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Stephen is a former staff writer and columnist at Phoenix New Times.
Contact: Stephen Lemons