The Top 10 Reasons to Hate the Carolina Panthers

We Arizona Cardinals fans are hot enough under the collar to melt the ice in frigid North Carolina. 

Our blood is boiling about oddsmakers picking the Carolina Panthers over the Cards in Sunday’s NFC Championship Game. And listening to sports wags slobbering praise all over enemy quarterback Cam Newton has us seething even more.

We already hated Carolina for taking out the Red Birds during last year’s playoffs.

But the road to Super Bowl 50 goes through Charlotte, and anger is good. It will take a pissed-off Cardinals team and angry fans cheering them on to beat a bunch on its Dixie turf that lost only one game this season.

So here are 10 reasons to hate the Panthers and the place they call home:

10. They're the NFL's biggest bandwagon team.

The Panthers attracted hordes of fair-weather fans (in the Carolinas and across the nation) with their league-best 15-1 regular-season record. Die-hard Panther fans hated these come-latelys, including one Panther Nation vet who wrote the following online: “Dear new Panther bandwagon fans . . . if you’ve ever worn a Steelers jersey to a Panthers game, we don't need ya. If you ever used the phrase Who Dat, fug off.” Don’t worry, we’re sure the newbies all will be away when the Cardinals upend your pussycats this weekend.

9. They ripped off the Boston Red Sox.

It has become tradition for Panthers fans to sing Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” at home. Y'all know, right, that another pro sports franchise already does that shit. Way to be original.

8. The Carolinas suck as a location on many fronts.

Sweltering humidity. Swarms of Insects. Bible-thumping politicians. There are so many reasons why you’d never want to live in either Carolina, including that the literacy rates are worse than ours, the barbecue is overrated, creationism is regularly taught in schools, and rednecks and junkies are everywhere. (Don't even get us started on the Confederate flag thing.)  

7. The Panthers' owner is a sourpuss.

If Newt Gingrich and Grumpy Cat were to have a kid, he'd look exactly like perpetually dour Panthers czar Jerry Richardson. If you need a few other more reason to hate the multimillionaire (who Rolling Stone cited as one of the "worst owners in sports"), Richarson made his fortune shilling greasy swill via the Hardee’s chain and reportedly was a jerk while negotiating the most recent collective bargaining agreement with NFL players. Plus, he pulled off the worst rendition of the “dabbing” dance we’ve ever seen. On that subject…

6. The whole dabbing thing is freakin' stupid.

The dabbing dance fad that Carolina quarterback Cam Newton has popularized among his teammates and throughout the Carolinas is just flat-out ridiculous. Seriously, y’all look like you’re trying to stifle a sneeze. Or even shield your eyes, which is what we wanna do when senior citizens, fat rednecks, or even Panthers head coach Ron Rivera start dabbing. 

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Benjamin Leatherman is a staff writer at Phoenix New Times. He covers local nightlife, music, culture, geekery, and fringe pursuits.