Longform

There's a new Speaker of the House and he's the meanest! He's . . .

Every Rep
At the Capitol
Likes Lawmaking a lot.

But the AldGrinch,
Who lives just north of the Capitol,
Does
NOT!

The AldGrinch hates Lawmaking!
The whole statute season!
Now, please don't ask why.
No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his new kidney--was it
put in all wrong?
It could be, perhaps, that he's been
'round too long.
But I think the most likely reason of all
Is his bola, his tie--
it's two sizes too small.

But, whatever the reason, His tie or his time,
He stood there, pre-Session, hating the slime--
THOSE REPS, in warm offices, talking with staff,
THOSE REPS, writing laws, as if laws were a laugh.
"And they'll all want their bills," he snarled, thinking fools.
"But I'll hold them as Speaker, as I did as
Chair
of
Rules."

Then he slithered about, with a smile
most outrageous,
He fired some staff; the rest left--'twas contagious.
They all knew the AldGrinch can bring you to tears,
Members, staff and the public--no one's free from his sneers.
Even Kolbe, curmudgeon, harrumpher, has said
That the reign of Don AldGrinch ought be met
with
GREAT
DREAD.

Now, the Reps' place, in truth, is a House, not a home.
They yell and they curse there, they fight and they foam.
But the AldGrinch does manage to set quite a pace,
He's the meanest Lawmaker to set foot in that place.
For how many men have you known in your day,
To put grenades on the Floor, on their desks, just for play?

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Amy Silverman is a two-time winner of the Arizona Press Club’s Journalist of the Year award. Her work has appeared on the radio show This American Life and in the New York Times, the Washington Post, Lenny Letter, and Brain, Child. She’s the co-curator of the live reading series Bar Flies, and a commentator for KJZZ, the NPR affiliate in Phoenix. Silverman is the author of the book My Heart Can’t Even Believe It: A Story of Science, Love, and Down Syndrome (Woodbine House 2016). Follow her on Instagram (@amysilverman), Twitter (@amysilvermanaz), and at amy-silverman.com.