Sports

Tiger Woods Announces Return to Golf; No Word on Return to Sex

Congratulations sports fans, you can start watching golf again without dozing off.

After a sexless four months away from the sport he helped re-invent, Tiger Woods announced he will be returning to the world of professional golf in less than a month.

Tiger released a statement yesterday confirming what many already assumed: he will make his return to the links at the Masters in Augusta, Georgia, on April 8.

In his statement, Tiger says, while he's decided to give golf another shot, he still as a lot of work to do in his personal life -- we're guessing he means the whole sex-with-porn stars-and-cocktail waitresses thing.

Rumors swirled that golf's greatest lothario would be making his return at the Accenture Tournament in Tucson last month, but Tiger's only stop in Arizona this year was to attend a sex-rehab clinic earlier this month as many of his colleagues were competing in the Waste Management Open in Scottsdale.

The last time Tiger played competitively was November 15, when he won the Australian Masters. Less then two weeks later, he crashed his car into a tree, setting off a series of events revealing that Woods was "addicted to sex" and had been using his balls for more than just putting.

It's been reported that Tiger has hired former White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer to help him deal with the media during his return, although he'd probably be better off with Bill Clinton.  

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James King
Contact: James King