If Phoenix has an arch-nemesis, it's obviously Los Angeles.
To that, we can tell you the top 10 reasons why Phoenix is much better than Los Angeles:
10.) Phoenix Has Lower Taxes
This is a fact.
9.) Literally Everything Is Cheaper in Phoenix
Why own a home in Phoenix when you can live in an L.A. apartment for a billion dollars a month?!
8.) Phoenix Is Sunnier
And a little warmer!
7.) L.A. Has Two NBA Teams! And Zero NFL Teams
A game the Cardinals will always win!
6.) Excessive Heat Builds Character
That's a true fact I found on the Internet.
5.) Skid Row
Not the prettiest of neighborhoods.
4.) L.A.'s Own Community Leaders Describe the Place as Miserable
Seriously. Get this — the city put together a council of city community leaders to take a look at the future of Los Angeles. They reported back with lines such as, "Year by year, our City—which once was a beacon of innovation and opportunity to the world—is becoming less livable," and ". . . almost 40% of our community lives in what only can be called misery."
3.) The Ocean? That's Where Sharks Live
A little rattlesnake bite never hurt anyone. (FYI, that is not true.)
2.) The Movie Falling Down Is Pretty Much a Documentary
(Warning: NSFW language.)
That fantastic movie, starring Michael Douglas, is a 113-minute explanation of how Los Angeles can turn an ordinary person into a violent lunatic. Or something like that.
1.) The Traffic Is a Thousand Times Better in Phoenix
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SHOW ME HOW
Maybe even 2,000 times better. People die of old age in L.A. traffic. This entire list could have just said "traffic" 10 times.
Follow Valley Fever on Twitter at @ValleyFeverPHX.