May has been quite the month for poor smuggling attempts at the U.S./Mexico border.
Some have been gross, like the guy who stuffed a sack of heroin in his belly button, while others have been creative, like the fellow who stuffed thousands of pounds of weed inside 2,000 cans of jalapeños. Still, none of the attempts have been that good -- they all got caught.
-Found at the Border
Below, check out the five worst smuggling attempts of the month, and below that, cast your vote for the worst:
- Mexican National Tries, and Fails, to Hide 3,000 Pounds of Weed in Cans of Jalapeños
- Mexican Man Busted Smuggling $100,000 Out of U.S. Either Lied or Is Bad at Counting
- Border Agents Find a Ton (Literally, 2,000 Pounds) of Weed Hidden in Charcoal
- More Than 200 Pounds of Cheese Seized at U.S./Mexico Border, for Second Time This Year
- Border Agents Find Heroin Stuffed in a Guy's Belly Button
A 34-year-old Mexican national tried to come into the United States through Nogales earlier this week with thousands of jalapeño cans. The problem was that 2,000 of those cans were light on the jalapeños, but heavy on the marijuana -- more than 3,000 pounds of it, in total. Like many people who have figured that a fruit or vegetable would somehow confuse a drug-sniffing dog and prevent it from thousands of pounds of marijuana, this gentleman was also incorrect.
A Mexican national was busted trying to smuggle more than $100,000 from the United States into Mexico, and he may have been caught only because he either lied or is bad at counting. See, U.S. Customs and Border Protection says 54-year-old Gamaliel Gonzales De Dios declared $1,000 in cash when he tried to go back into Mexico a couple weeks ago, but CBP officers counted it up, and found $1,893. Now caught not telling the truth about the smaller change, officers did a more thorough search, and found out that he fabricated a cooler to hide about $100,000.
A Mexican national tried to smuggle 2,000 pounds of weed into the United States by hiding the stash in bricks of charcoal. Thanks to Wilhelm Röntgen's 1895 discovery of the X-ray, U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers were able to see late last week that the 1,000 bags of charcoal also held a ton of marijuana. Charcoal's a new one, and while it wasn't profoundly stupid, compared to the work of his colleagues, it certainly lacked in the creativity department.
It must just suck when you're not the first guy this year caught trying to smuggle more than 200 pounds of cheese into the United States. Honestly, you don't even have to hide your cheese, man. If you just tell them about it up front, you can just roll on in. But this California resident tried to bring in "a commercial quantity of undeclared and intentionally concealed cheese," according to the agency.
This one's exactly how it sounds, and the feds even provided us with a (probably unnecessary) high-resolution photo of the heroin still stashed in the belly button of the guy's chunky belly. The owner of that belly button, a 35-year-old Tucson resident, actually had a couple more pounds of heroin strapped to his waist when he tried to walk into the United States through a pedestrian gate, but just had to toss in a little extra into his belly button.
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Follow Matthew Hendley on Twitter at @MatthewHendley.