If the dwindling wait times for a Cronut at Dominique Ansel Bakery in New York are a sign that the half-doughnut, half-croissant pastry trend is waning, then Safeway is making sure it picks up whatever crumbs are left.
Recently, the grocery store chain has been selling its own version of Cronuts (sadly, not called Gro-Nuts, Safe-nuts, or Cro-Ways). How hard is it trying? Safeway hard, that's how.
Pretty much calling bullshit on the trendy name game (there are shelves to stock, people), Safeway has named its version of Cronuts "Donut Croissant Glazed 4 Count." The price for the knockoff pastry quartet is $5.99 ($5 with your Club Card!) and comes packaged in a cardboard box with a see-through window so that you can gaze upon what are, more or less, the last four nails in the Cronut trend coffin.
Whatever you're imagining a Donut Croissant Glazed 4 Count might taste like, Safeway's is exactly that, but with a little more chew. They're something you probably wouldn't buy for yourself, but if someone put one down in front of you, then okay, sure, whatever.
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But the best words to sum up Safeway's Donut Croissant Glazed 4 Count are "thank you." Thank you for speeding up the inevitable end of Cronut mania. Now we can get back to the things that really matter (see: laundry, finding the cat) until the next pastry trend.
See you at the Cranish.
Thanks to a Chow Bella reader for the tip!