The 5 Worst Valentine Cocktails of All Time

Love is in the air -- and as with other airborne pathogens, you'd prefer to keep a safe distance. For the Hallmark haters and the Valentine adverse, Chow Bella has put together a list of the 5 least romantic cocktails around. Order one for yourself or send some over as a gritty gesture to the PDA couple at the bar -either way, the satisfaction will feel a lot like stepping on Cupid's arrow.

See Also: - 3 Hot (Literally) Cocktails in Downtown Phoenix - Dwayne Allen of Rum Bar Gives a Tasty Tutorial on Rum

The Cement Mixer

This drink doesn't exude sexual innuendo so much as it does the nauseating effects of chemistry. Take a shot of Bailey's Irish Cream and a shot of lime juice, and swish them both around in your mouth. Quickly the drink begins to curdle, turning into a revolting cement-like substance that your friends will no doubt pressure you into swallowing.

Grandma's Ass Sweat

In a way, the title of this cocktail is really its best selling point- because after hearing it said out-loud, you're going to need something strong enough to erase the mental image now burning a hole in in your brain. Fill a chilled glass with 3/4 pint Old English Malt Liquor, 1 oz Bombay Sapphire Gin, and 1 oz Bacardi 151 Rum. Throw in a couple splashes of Dr. Pepper and prepare to never look at your Grandmother the same way again.

Hooker with a Penis

Just like the mismatched genitalia of a South Side prostitute, you find love where you least expect it. Give a toast to life's little surprises with this cocktail of 4 oz Jack Daniel's Whiskey, 2 oz DeKuyper Apple Pucker Schnapps, and 6 oz Coca-cola. Pour over ice and try not to beat yourself up - we all make mistakes.


Listen up that's-what-she-said-ers, this drink burns going down. The STD is a shot of one-thirds Wild Turkey, Cognac, and Bacardi 151 Rum lit on fire. It's hot and reckless but unlike the real deal, the only thing you'll have to worry about in the morning is a bad headache.

The Abortion

Not for the faint of heart, stomach, morals, and so on - this drink not only carries a bad name but a bad image. The Abortion recipe has a few variations but the general idea is to layer peach schnapps (or Creme de Cacao), Bailey's Irish Cream, and then top with a few drops of Grenadine for added "fetus" effect. Order this shot to ensure protests, eye rolls, and visible disgust from the other patrons at the bar.

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