Guilty Pleasures

The Fundamental Flaw of Oreo Thins

The Guilty Pleasure: Oreo Thins
Where to Get It: Grocery stores
Price: $3.99
What it Really Costs: The belief that junk food still wants to be junk food

Outside of Taco Bell, Oreo has probably put out more “unique” flavor combinations than any other brand in recent memory, with each one being more gratuitous than the last.

Then, something went wrong at the Oreo headquarters. Maybe they realized that they’d hit the ceiling of the “new weird flavor every month” streak. Or maybe they just decided to take the brand in a different direction.

The results of whatever product design and audience testing Oreo did are the new Oreo Thins, a smaller “healthier” version of the classic cookie. They’re not bad, but they make you wonder if there is, was, or will ever be a market for a “light” Oreo.

Essentially, Oreo Thins are exactly what they sound like, a thinner Oreo. The wafers are thinner, there’s less creme (maybe “Half Stuf” didn’t sound as good?), even the packaging is more slender than its OG counterpart.

But changing the thickness of the Oreo really messes up the balance that no doubt took many tries to perfect. The crunch is there, but that touch of soft chewiness from the creme is completely absent. These little details are the ones that separate Oreos from the no-name store brands, and the Oreo Thins come up short in a lot of ways.

Sure, they’re tasty, but the Thins don’t seem like real Oreos. It’s the same problem the Oreos Cakesters run into. Oreos are as much about texture as taste, so when you change one of those factors, you’re messing up at least half the Oreo experience.

Also, you don’t get much from just eating one, like you might with any other type of Oreo. You have to eat at least a few to feel like you snacked on anything at all (unless you’re one of those weirdos who only eats half of an Oreo), which leads us back to the bigger problem: the idea of “healthy” junk food.

No one ever eats Oreos to be healthy. No one should eat Oreos to be healthy. Actually, if you’re trying to be healthy, Oreos should definitely be on the list of things you shouldn’t eat. Oreo Thins don’t change that. They’re still the same product, just less of it in each piece.

It was a good attempt, Oreo marketing department, but we really wish you’d just go back to putting strangely delicious flavors of creme in between the two classic cookies. Why try to go healthy when you could be working on perfecting the “Eggnog and Bourbon” creme (or whatever it’s going to be) for this year’s Christmas Oreos?
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Josh Chesler
Contact: Josh Chesler