Top 10 Craft Beers for Pussies

So you have found yourself on a date with that hot hipster chick from the office. Lucky you. She insists that the two of you stop by her favorite super-cool beer and wine bar because "Hipsters so don't hang out there." You know you have been tricked the second you walk into the joint and it's nothing but a sea of over-sized cropped lace tops, boat shoes and stupid hats. After a quick glance at the beer menu, you realize there is no Bud Light, Coors Light or any of the other usual suspects and you start to panic. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DRINK?!

Only the piss-water taste of Whatever Light has crossed your lips and you are extremely frightened of beers that are too skunky or perfume-y or have any other sort of flavor. No worries, we're here for ya. Memorize this list of "safe" craft beers and no one will ever know that you are a complete beer pussy and would kill for 64 oz of ice cold Bud Light right about now.

10. True Blond Ale, Ska Brewing - This Colorado beer has a super hip, eye-catching label. Inside you will find a beer that is light, refreshing and clean without the slightest hint of hops.

9. Stiegl Pils, Stienglbraverei - An extremely light German style Pilsner. You can definitely knock a few of these back because they are virtually flavorless, yet it's somehow a really good beer that even the snobbiest of beer snobs can appreciate.

8. Kronenbourg 1664, Kronenbourg - Imported from France, this skunky lager will surely impress your hipster date just by knowing that this beer exists. It will complement her French cigarettes and romper quite well.

7. Boddingtons Pub Ale, Boddingtons - The Pub Ale is reminds us of a yellow version of Guinness. Low alcohol and low flavor make this an easy beer for beginners. The can is impressive though, mostly due to the words "imported from Britain" across the top.

6. Foret, Brasserie Dupont - The Foret is a Belgian Saison ale that arrives in a bottle with cutesy drawings of unicorns and puppies. It's a light farmhouse ale with just a of sweetness. A good beer for getting in touch with your feminine side.

5. Avant Garde, Lost Abby - Avant Garde looks like a real beer and smells like a real beer but tastes like a sissy beer. Don't be thrown off by the hoppy aroma, none of that shines through in the taste. It's pretty boring, but you'll look cool drinking it.

4. Hoegaarden,Hoegaarden - A nice Belgium witbeir. Easy drinking with just a hint of lemon. It's imported through Anheuser-Busch the same people that bring you your precious Bud Light.


3. Mama's Little Yellow Pils, Oskar Blues - It's little. It's yellow. It's a pilsner. One delicious step up from a Budweiser, one huge step up in class.

2. Brown Ale, Nimbus - Tucson's own brewery makes some pretty fine ales, but the Brown Ale is perfect starter beer for those of you who aren't ready to take the leap to a heavier ale.

1. Milk Stout, Left Hand - This easy drinking beer has hints of chocolate and a nice creamy feel to it. A classic milk stout and a nice welcome to the world of dark beers.

What beers would you suggest to the newbies? Let us know in the comments section below.

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Shannon Armour
Contact: Shannon Armour