Sure, we've all done the not-gonna-try thing -- stupid games, themed parties, office Olympics -- perfectly understandable. But for a contestant on Top Chef Just Desserts to just say "screw it" to a challenge? Welcome, once again, to the wuss-out world of man-baby Seth.
In this week's Quickfire Challenge, there's a wedding display in the kitchen along with wedding cake royalty Sylvia Weinstock (sporting the best specs in the free world) and Gail Simmons, who tells the chefs they have 90 minutes to make a wedding cake with pre-baked white cakes provided. (Hiya, Gail! You're so pretty. I bet everyone wants to marry you! I registered us at Macy's -- hope you don't mind!) Everyone freaks out and man-baby Seth decides he's not going to do the challenge because he's never made a wedding cake before. Instead, he's going to make his version of an engagement cake which is, like Seth, a tiny, pathetic shell filled with confusion and baby food.
That's when the tears start to fall -- again. Spoiler alerts ahead, y'all!
No surprise, man-baby Seth makes it to the bottom three along with Malika, who cried over her sink-hole cake (stop crying, everyone!), and baker Eric who tells us that having uneven layers is the most embarrassing moment in his life, which makes him a huge liar or a super-boring person.
Erica's chocolate mousse and Kahlua buttercream cake wins, which gives her immunity, back-to-back wins, and makes her a force to be reckoned with. Yay, Erica!
The Elimination Challenge starts with visits from the pep squad and glee club from a local high school (populars vs. nerds -- go nerds!) The chefs are divided up into two teams -- Pep and Glee -- with each team having to create items for a bake sale to raise enough money so that the hopes and dreams of their assigned young-persons group will not break into a million sad pieces. No pressure, guys.
The Pep team: Morgan, Erika, Heather H., Malika, and Eric.
The Glee team: Zac, Danielle, Heather C., Yigit, and man-baby Seth.
On Team Glee, Heather C. wants to make Whoopie Pies. No one wants her to make Whoopie Pies. Why can't she make Whoopie Pies? She wants to make Whoopie Pies. Whoopie Pies, Whoopie Pies, Whoopie Pies. Seriously, it's endless. As a so-there, she decides to make the most boring peanut butter cookie ever which is sadly the only real bake sale item compared to Zac's strawberry shortcake, Yigit's pudding, and Man-Baby Seth's financiers -- an item most kids can't say let alone identify.
Back at the dessert house, Malika confesses she's having insecurities about cooking, it isn't fun, and she's thinking about quitting. Wow, it's too bad no one explained to her what a competition was. Cue one collective sigh from the world.
The next day at the school bake sale, man-baby Seth makes the most intelligent statement he's made in three episodes: That he should not be around children. An even more intelligent statement would have been he should not be around human beings, animals, or anything with a soul he could suck the life out of. The judges make their rounds with Team Pep (real bake sale items) edging out Team Glee (financiers) by $10. Before one hope on the school Glee Club is dashed, Gail announces, in age-of-entitlement style, that everyone wins, adding an extra zero to both teams' bake sale totals plus donating $5K to the school. Yay, everybody!
At the judges table, Eric wins with his rice crispie treats and everyone in the winning group applauds except for anger-issues Morgan, who is thinking about how heterosexual he is. Next up, the losers. Danielle and man-baby Seth are arguing and Heather C. starts talking about Whoopie Pies (again) throwing everyone under the bus in an endless speech that's boring everyone to tears. The judges give the group a schoolin' on how not bake sale their desserts were with the biggest zinger coming courtesy of Sylvia Weinstock who says she could taste the resentment in Heather C.'s boring peanut butter cookies and that they were, "an ordinary cookie any housewife could knock out." Snaps to you, H.C.!
Heather C. goes home, we never get to find out what she's been hiding under those bangs, and everyone she knows gets to hear the three-hour Whoopie Pie story a zillion times. Lucky them.
Next week: Man-baby Seth gets worse (really!) and a special appearance by an ambulance!
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