Madonna

Maybe the only thing shocking about Madonna’s 2004 “Reinvention” tour was how completely unshocking it was, at least by her standards. No cone bustier, no simulated masturbation on a bed, no topless backup dancers (female ones, anyway) to writhe against . . . just a safe two-or-so hours of classic hits and even some mid-set singer-songwriter-style seriousness during which she strummed acoustic guitar for “Like a Prayer” and John Lennon’s “Imagine.” Oh, and some really bad rapping, too. According to interviews she gave at the time, it was the Kabbalah-ized, mid-40s Madge attempting to become a “mature, responsible role model.” Zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Thankfully, she’s back to being a provocative tramp on her new, disco-fied “Confessions” tour: Heavy on last year’s Confessions on a Dance Floor material, and with only a few oldies thrown in, this jaunt marks the return of “S&M Madonna” (equestrian/bondage getups, ball-gags, lots of saddle-riding and pole-grinding, etc.). And then there’s the point when she’ll endear herself to the new pope by donning a crown of thorns and hanging from a giant cross. As always, tickets are ungodly expensive, but it looks like you’ll be getting your money’s worth this year! — Michael Alan Goldberg