Jan Brewer's Wild Ride: We Got the Police Report. Get All the Tipsy Details Right Here

Just in time for happy hour, we got our hands on a copy of the Department of Public Safety report filed after Governor Jan Brewer rear-ended a mini-van in 1988. Jan admits having two scotches before the accident but says she wasn't impaired -- despite failing four different field-sobriety tests.

Not to mention, Brewer changed her story three times when asked how the accident went down. Check it out here.

The best part of the whole report: the arresting officer describes Brewer as "thick tongued." In Brewer's defense, anyone who's seen her speak knows Jan always sounds like she might be border-line drunk -- so her thick tongue isn't exactly a smoking gun when trying to prove she's wasted.

However, the officer also described the then-state-senator as having bloodshot, watery eyes, and dilated pupils that reacted poorly to light stimulation.

As for the four field-sobriety tests Brewer failed, they seem to be a more telling sign that Brewer was hammered than was her legendary thick tongue.

According to the report, when asked to stand on one leg, Brewer was "not able to perform the test as instructed." Instead, Brewer was "swaying back and forth from side to side and front to back heavily."

Brewer claimed she had an ankle injury at the time, but that shouldn't have been a problem unless she was dopey enough to stand on that ankle when told to stand on one leg -- which we're not puttin' past her.

Brewer was then asked to tilt her head back, close her eyes, and touch her finger to her nose. No luck there, either. Brewer didn't even follow instructions -- initially, she failed to close her eyes or tilt her head back, and when she did, her body swayed front to back and side to side as she tried to touch her finger to her nose. Her eyes would flutter when she tried to touch her nose, the report claims.

In the third test, Brewer failed the Rhomberg Modified counting test when she was unable to count from 1001 to 1030.

In Brewer's fourth field-sobriety F-, the now-governor was unable to maintain her balance when asked to walk in a straight line. She had to stop three times to steady herself and didn't walk heal-to-toe as instructed. According to the report, she stepped off the line five times in her attempt to walk straight.

Brewer's swaying throughout the tests is described as "heavy,"

Brewer's apparently a magician, too. After she was handcuffed, the officer told her he would remove the cuffs as he drove the governor to the station to undergo a breathalyzer test. As he reached for his keys, Jan slipped out of the cuffs and handed them to the officer. Ta-da!

The breathalyzer never happened, though, and charges were never filed because being a sitting state senator gave Brewer immunity from charges -- even though the arresting officer repeatedly says throughout the report that Brewer smelled like a booze.

Sadly, because no breathalyzer was performed, we'll never know how drunk Jan actually was. But, after reading the police report, it seems she really knows how to party.

See for yourself here.

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