Don't Suspect Joe Arpaio, Report Him on the DOJ's New Arpaio Abuse Hotline

As that great Phoenix philosopher Fronzo "the Fonz" West once asked in a riddle worthy of a Buddhist koan, "How do you call the cops on the cops?" Here in Mari-Kafka County, the problem's compounded by the fact that one of the most corrupt law enforcement agencies in the nation -- Sheriff Joe's MCSO -- runs this 9,200 square-mile patch of desert like an old-school, third-world dictatorship.

So what's an honest citizen to do when confronted with blatant examples of racial profiling, political corruption and abuse of power on the part of Joe and/or his boys in beige -- not to mention if you happen to be a victim of Arpaio's nefarious junta? The U.S. Department of Justice has an answer for you: Drop dime on the scalawags! That's right, call the DOJ's newly established Arpaio tip line, and give them the goods with which to collar our sadistic top cop.

As first reported by the Phoenix Business Journal, the new toll-free number of 877-613-2137 offers both English and Spanish instructions. And it gives you the opportunity to leave a voice mail message for the DOJ's Civil Rights Division, which is currently investigating Arpaio's operation, particularly in regards to Joe's targeting of the Latino community.

If you've ever fantasized about seeing out septuagenarian sheriff in pink handcuffs doing the perp walk, or in county stir eating slop not fit for a dog, this is your chance to help make it happen.

Sure, the DOJ's investigation is civil, and will likely only result in a federal lawsuit against the MCSO. But you never know. Allegations of criminal wrongdoing would in all probability be passed along to the FBI (or should be, in any case). And anyway, we can dare to dream, can't we? Ah, I can almost see Arpaio singing the blues in his own gray bar hotel, with his cell mate Bubba by his side, ready to rat out Chief Deputy David Hendershott for shower privileges.