Audio By Carbonatix
Kanye West and Kim Kardashian’s child is bound to be the most narcisstic tot to walk the face of the earth. Let’s just hope that Baby Kimye ends up innocent and adorable and doesn’t go the way of his or her sex tape-making parents.
The media is already critical of Kim’s changing body and HuffPo used technology to come up with some rather creepy image composites of what Kimye might look like.
See also:
Kanye West’s “Mercy” Explained By Phoenix Producer Lifted
Ten Movies Kanye West Should Have Starred In
Most gossip sites focus on Kiki and overlook the skeletons in Yeezy’s closet. It’s weird to listen to Watch the Throne knowing that in a few months, both ‘Ye and Jay-Z will be dads. Blue Ivy may be down with “Big Pimpin’,” but we can’t help but wonder what Yeezy will share with his child. We got a head start by finding the 10 lyrics that may embarrass Papa Kanye in a few years.
Runaway
She find pictures in my email
I sent this bitch a picture of my dick
‘Ye will need some thorough parental controls to ensure that his child doesn’t accidentally stumble across his junk. No child wants to think about hear about their father’s penis, let alone hear him discuss the bad decisions he’s made regarding it.
The last two and a half minutes of “Blame Game”
Kanye’s pairing with John Legend is gorgeous and nearly flawless…with the exception of Chris Rock rambling on and on about “reupholstered pussy.” Yeezy taught this woman so well that Rock will shoot anybody who tries to bootleg Kanye’s music.
Monster
Have you ever had sex with a pharaoh?
I put the pussy in a sarcophagus
Kanye, that’s just gross. Your kid doesn’t need to hear you bragging about having sex so rough that you killed some genitalia and bruised an esophagus.
Illest Motherfucker Alive
Bullet proof condom when I’m in these hoes
Got staples on my dick/(Why?) Fuckin’ centerfolds
This implies that A. Kanye sleeps with a lot of rough women and caught a nasty STD because of it, or B. ‘Ye humps anything and everything, including nudie mags, which can cause uncomfortable papercuts. At any rate, this song is not kid-friendly.
No Church in the Wild
Coke on her black skin made a stripe like a zebra
I call that jungle fever
Because threesomes and drugs are totally okay as long as there’s permission.
Who Gon Stop Me
Heard she fucked the doorman
Well that’s cool, I fucked the waitress
The sins without permission are pretty unforgivable, so ix-nay off his dick, itch-bay.
New Day
And I’ll never let my son have an ego
He’ll be nice to everyone, wherever we go
I mean, I might even make ’em be Republican
So everybody know he love white people
Yeezy’s intentions are good and all, but what happens when his perfect son makes a mistake? What if he becomes a registered Democrat and dumps his college girlfriend? What if– gasp– Kimye is a girl?
Good Life
Have you ever popped champagne on a plane while gettin’ some brain?
Whipped it out, she said, “I never seen Snakes on a Plane”
Your daddy brags about sex way too much. At least Snakes on a
Plane is a (small) step up from whatever nastiness is going on in “Illest Motherfucker Alive.”
The New Work Out Plan
Give head, stop, breathe
Get up, check your weave
Fellatio is an effective way to burn calories and allegedly land a raper, NBA player, or worst case scenario, a guy with a car, but there are less vulgar ways to loose weight. In this case, ask mom how she maintains her booty and avoid parties where the guests are “you, your friends, and my dick.”
Clique
My girl a superstar all from a home movie
Yes, Kim Kardashian made a sex tape with Ray J. No, your child does not need to know this.
Bonus- this amazing review of “Cold.”
