Audio By Carbonatix
>Given: Phoenix is known for its low-key, laid back style. We wear jeans to the opera, shorts to the theater — hell, we just saw a lady in a slinky romper at the Phoenix Art Museum. (We’ll have more on rompers in tomorrow’s female-specific list.)
Also Given: In the summer, it’s near impossible to look attractive after you break a sweat while waiting for the A/C in the car to kick in.
But let’s get it together. Some fashion trends have tried (and failed) to adapt to the heat and some are just plain stupid. Let’s take a look at what’s fugly about this season’s line:
1. Tanks:
This fashion phenomena seems to have crossed the great divide of bros and hipsters. This shirt style — with its plunging armpit holes and inevitable graphic print — is embraced by muscly men who wave hand signs with a casual exclamation, “suns out guns out!”
But the retro, striped version is also loved by the two-wheeled Peugeot riders, who after rolling up a pant leg (which we’ll get to later), scoff at your music taste and brush their bangs out of their eyes. Please, for both species, find something with sleeves.
2. Pant/Short Rolling:
Are you digging for clams? Are you a girl whose gym shorts
are too big? If you need shorter pants, wear shorts. If you need shorter
shorts … you may have other issues.
3. Fedoras:
Anything brought back into culture by a man that once dated Britney Spears should be forgotten, if not banned (Can we talk about the landing-strip goatee?).
4. Boat Shoes:
Are you on a boat? Enough said.
5. Going Sock-less:
It’s popular with said boat shoes. And it’s
horrifying. Closed toed shoes need socks, even if they’re ultra
low-rise. It’s way too hot to burden others with the smell of your dank
feet.
