Caught in the Cross Fire

David Cross isn't so enthusiastic about his choices in November's presidential election.

"[George W.] Bush is dishonest. He's a liar. He's duplicitous. He's a fake, phony populist," says Cross, 40-year-old co-star of Fox's Arrested Development, and former star of HBO's mid-1990s cult comedy Mr. Show With Bob and David. "At the same time, I'm no [John] Kerry fan at all. He's run a terrible campaign."

So, tell us how you really feel.

"Well, I do think he'd be better than Bush," he says. "I took a shit yesterday that would be better than Bush."

We forgot to ask Cross about his floating turd's foreign policy, homeland security and healthcare agendas. But we're sure he'd have offered thoughtful, brutally honest responses, because that's just what you'll get from Cross, who performs at the "Putting the MOCK Back in Democracy" comedy event Saturday, October 2.

The purportedly "non-partisan" show, intended to inspire voter registration before the October 4 deadline, features Cross -- just back from London promoting his latest comedy CD, It's Not Funny -- along with King of Queens' Patton Oswalt, Nick Swardon (Malibu's Most Wanted), Brian Posehn (Just Shoot Me, Mr. Show) and music from Naked Trucker featuring David Gruber Allen (Freaks and Geeks).

While we're confident that Cross will begrudgingly cast his vote for the senator from Massachusetts on November 2, is there any way our top two options could redeem themselves -- say, with a dream debate scenario?

"My dream scenario," Cross says, "is that the two of them go up on the stage with no TelePrompTer, they don't even get a chance to study tape on each other, and they're hooked up to a lie detector . . . no notes."

Clearly, he's joking.

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Joe Watson